IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #australian #water #consumption #cities #year #distribution #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates the average
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 in six cities in Australia,
whereas
Linking Words
 the pie
chart
Use synonyms
 compares how
water
Use synonyms
 consumption was distributed in six different fields in 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 was recorded in Perth,
while
Linking Words
 in Canberra was the least.
Besides
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, a significant amount of
water
Use synonyms
 was used in agricultural practices.
However
Linking Words
, mining ranked
last
Linking Words
 among all fields.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar
chart
Use synonyms
, nearly 300
kilolitres
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 was used in Perth, standing first among six cities. The figures for the cities of Sydney, Adelaide, and Brisbane were almost the same, ranking between 200 and 250
kilolitres
Use synonyms
. There was little difference in the amount of
water
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 consumption in Canberra and Melbourne, as the former stood
last
Linking Words
 at about 140
kilolitres
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. of
water
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,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for the latter was lower by a margin of 10
kilolitres
Use synonyms
. Regarding the pie
chart
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, agriculture had the highest share with 67%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the proportion of
water
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use
Use synonyms
 in mining and manufacturing saw the least, with 2% and 4%, respectively. The
use
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 of
water
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 in households,
water
Use synonyms
 supply, sewage and drainage, and electricity and gas supply was almost the same (less than 10%). The remaining 4% was in other industries.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, water, use, kilolitres with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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