IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The most important alm of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#alm #science #people #lives
In
this
 day and age, some people claim that the most significant purpose of science should be to upgrade our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. It
is agree
Wrong verb form
agrees
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 with the main aim of everything that has been
doing
Wrong verb form
done
show examples
 until now. The Following essay takes a look
atboth
Correct your spelling
at both
 sides of the argument and I will support
this
 view. In my opinion, we live in an age when all of us do everything in the world thanks to make a better life and survive so I can say Hiat scientists find out different routes with trial and error.
However
, it is possible that some of them may stray
this
 way. Because they exploit to make tool Wars just as warm weapons, bombs, guns, and so on. It
is completely disagree
Change the verb form
completely disagrees
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 with the improvement of lite. I strongly believe that our mental and physical health are vital.
Although
 scientists usually discover something, it can be useless. Even though,
according to
 improved technology and knowledge, the cost of utilization could be increased so members of society are not able to pay fees and use it
consequently
, it impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
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the economy. In spite of the fact that the essential goal of science, physics, art, and technology should be used to make progress in the community of humans.
For example
, treatment of disease can reduce pains and eliminate them.
Also
, transportation was invented for moving easily from one place to another. If we focus on the surrounding environment, we understand that we use each object to
be easy
Verb problem
make
show examples
 our life and survive.
To sum up
 I suspect
this
 idea that we can live better when the usage of science takes steps towards positive things.
Submitted by Hassanihn on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the main question, but could more clearly state your position in the introduction. This can help provide a clearer framework for the arguments that follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and transitions to improve the flow of your argument. This can help your essay read more smoothly and make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Make sure your conclusion clearly summarizes your main points and reiterates your position on the issue. It should reflect upon the arguments made in the body of your essay.
task achievement
Incorporating specific examples or evidence to support your main points can make your arguments more convincing. Make sure these examples are clearly related to your main argument.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors, as they can distract from your argument and make your essay harder to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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