IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others believe that the main interest is in world business. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #benefit #cooperation #protection #environment #interest #world #business
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It is considered by some individuals that global businesses should protect the
environment
 for the benefit,
while
 others claim to focus on their world business would be better.
However
, what I personally think is that they pay attention
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
works
 for some reasons that I will elaborate on
my
Change preposition
in my
show examples
 essay. On the one hand, proponents of
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 view insist that the
environment
 is one of the most essential issues and we should protect it. The number of fires
are
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is
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 increasing day by day at an alarming rate
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
at
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in
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 the forests.
Therefore
, if companies
Add a missing verb
are interest
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
environment
,
this
 is paid attention
by
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to by
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 buyers. Companies’ products have the opportunity to sell
due to
 agenda easily and
this
 factor
help
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helps
show examples
 to develop enterprises. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
,
this
 situation will gain the majority of money for
firms
.
On the other hand
,
firms
 should watch their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 for improvements. To be more specific, enterprises should promote their goods
instead
 of to
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
environment
.
For instance
, money can be allocated for promoting
merchandises
Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
show examples
 and
this
 will provide popularity. Another point worth noting is that
firms
 have the ability to route money for their
workforces’
Change noun form
workforce’s
show examples
 health.
For instance
, they can yield
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
sport
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sports
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 facilities for employees and
this
 could better both corporations and staff.
To sum up
,
although
 those who support the notable profit is to protect the
environment
 for enterprises, whilst it is assisted by others that
firms
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 are more important.
However
, I advocate the view that working with companies
works
 would be better.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, ensure that your essay has a clear, logical structure. Begin with an introduction that clearly states the essay's topic and your opinion. Follow with coherent paragraphs that each focus on a single main point, supporting it with specific examples or explanations. Conclude with a summary of your points and restate your opinion.
task achievement
For achieving a better task achievement score, focus on directly addressing the essay prompt. Ensure that you discuss both views described in the prompt fully before stating your own opinion. Incorporate relevant examples to support your arguments, making them as specific and concrete as possible.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • international cooperation
  • environmental protection
  • Paris Agreement
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • biodiversity
  • shared responsibility
  • economic growth
  • free trade deals
  • economic partnerships
  • investment
  • innovation
  • technological advancement
  • sustainable practices
  • prosperity
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