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Band 4

some people think that the parents of children who commit crimes should also receive a punishment . To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

#people #parents #children #crimes #punishment
Parental
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 is a controversial topic worldwide .
This
 author opines that
parents
 should be punished for their children's criminal actions. It is crucial to acknowledge that the
jouvenile
Correct your spelling
juvenile
 criminals didn't receive sufficient discipline from their
parents
 . Owing to the fact that adolescents need
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 understanding
discipline
Change preposition
of discipline
show examples
 and education curriculum from their
parents
 , they will lose their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 and do the wrong thing without educating accurately
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
parents
 .
Consequently
 , these youngsters will do the wrong things and commit crimes because of their
parental's
Replace the word
parents's
show examples
 irresponsibility .
Hence
 , charging the
parents
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
law enforcement because of their lack of
educating
Replace the word
education
show examples
 their adolescents is
indispensible
Correct your spelling
indispensable
. Another vital element of the situation for imprisoning the
parents
 is adolescent criminals would feel guilty that their
parents
 have been punished . It should be self-evident that the
jouveniles
Correct your spelling
juveniles
 will improve their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
parents
 are sentenced
although
 they are innocent . In
this
 case , the bairns would decide to change , control their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
such
 as lifestyle , politeness or sincerely apologize to the casualties of their crimes . It must be simultaneously noticed that the punishment that the
teennagers'
Correct your spelling
teenagers'
parents
 receive will precisely affect the bairns' behaviour , leading to the improvement of their lifestyle .
Hence
 , it can be obvious that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parental responsibility for
jourveniles'
Correct your spelling
journalists'
 criminal actions are valid
arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
show examples
 to consider .
Thus
 , it should have been demonstrated that
parents
 must be
charge
Wrong verb form
charged
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
law enforcement .
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure that your essay thoroughly addresses all parts of the prompt. Consider both sides of the argument, even if you have a strong opinion. Provide more detailed, real-world examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on the logical flow of your essay. Link ideas more clearly using transitional phrases. Paragraphs should have a clear main idea and supporting sentences that directly relate. Vary your sentence structures for readability.
Language
To improve clarity and effectiveness of your arguments, use a wider variety of precise vocabulary. Avoid repetitive words and phrases. Consider rephrasing sentences that may confuse readers due to unusual word choices or structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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