In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Around the world significant amount of minors start to work
wery
early on. Correct your spelling
very
This
topic became controversial, as some disregard any type of child labour while
others argue that Correct article usage
the involvment
involvment
of children in Correct your spelling
involvement
spesific
jobs could be very beneficial Correct your spelling
specific
fo
them. I personally lean towards the second position. Correct your spelling
for
This
essay will focus on adressing
Correct your spelling
addressing
this
issue.
On the one hand, supporters of children
right to be part of Change noun form
children's
workforce
argue thatCorrect article usage
the workforce
,
it is beneficial for teenagers to start earning their Remove the comma
apply
money
even before they turn 18. Emploement or small comers
can Correct your spelling
smallcomers
provied
them with pocket Correct your spelling
provide
money
while
also
, giving them life expiriense
and a sense of value in Correct your spelling
expenses
money
. As an exapmle
, Correct your spelling
example
famous
American tradition of selling lemonade, Correct article usage
the famous
it
is Correct pronoun usage
apply
easy
job even for Add an article
an easy
minor
, that Fix the agreement mistake
minors
also
,
teaches Remove the comma
apply
him
responsibility and Correct pronoun usage
them
basics
of business strategy Correct article usage
the basics
futhermore
, it Correct your spelling
furthermore
providies
an Correct your spelling
provides
sourse
of income, that children can spend on whatever they want.
Correct your spelling
source
On the other hand
, there are
Change the verb form
is
a
significant opposition to that argument. People with Correct article usage
apply
Correct your spelling
opposing
oppousing
Correct your spelling
opposing
view
on Fix the agreement mistake
views
this
issue argue that
there are no benefits in
child labour, Change preposition
to
also
, it is harmful for
minors. As an argument, Change the preposition
to
school aged
boys and girls shall spend more time and effort on education and themselves. It is harmful for Add a hyphen
school-aged
teenager
to spend a lot of time on work, as it would generally lower their interest in education and can hurt their social connections, like, sports, Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
hobbys
, Correct your spelling
hobbies
friends
. Another good
point is that Correct word choice
and friends
enabaling
Correct your spelling
enabling
Correct article usage
the emploement
emploement
of minors is a way of child exploitation, as Correct your spelling
employment
an
example, Correct article usage
apply
companys
likeCorrect your spelling
companies
,
Remove the comma
apply
macdonalds
and Change the capitalization
Macdonalds
starbacks
pay less to their underaged Correct your spelling
Starbucks
star backs
empoes
, Correct your spelling
employees
thus
exploiting them.
In conclusion, I will summarize that I tent
to support Correct your spelling
tend
Correct article usage
the empoement
empoement
of teenagers in Correct your spelling
empowerment
employment
workforse
. As I Correct your spelling
workforce
belive
there are more pluses Correct your spelling
believe
then
minuses. I see Replace the word
than
Correct article usage
the opportyniti
opportyniti
to earn yourself Correct your spelling
opportunity
opportunities
money
as a presues
one, Correct your spelling
press
especialy
when parents cannot or don’t want to satisfy your demands.Correct your spelling
especially
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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas. The arguments presented in the essay sometimes appear disjointed, making it harder for the reader to follow your line of reasoning. Consider using more transitional phrases and ensure each paragraph clearly connects to your overall argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are both present and fully developed. While your essay does include these elements, further refining them to clearly state your thesis and summarize your arguments could enhance their impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the support for your main points by including more detailed examples and explanations. While you do provide examples, deeper analysis and more context could strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Ensure your response thoroughly addresses all aspects of the task. Your essay does take a stance and explores both viewpoints, but more detailed exploration and a clearer, stronger personal opinion could improve your task achievement score.
Task Achievement
Strive for clarity and depth in your ideas. Some parts of the essay could benefit from more precise explanations and specific details to fully convey your arguments and support your opinion. This will help in making your essay more comprehensive and persuasive.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. The examples you use are good, but adding more, particularly with real-world data or studies, could provide stronger evidence for your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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