In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #children #work #people #responsibility

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Around the world significant amount of minors start to work

wery

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very

early on.

This

topic became controversial, as some disregard any type of child labour

while

others argue that

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the involvment

show examples

involvment

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involvement

of children in

spesific

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specific

jobs could be very beneficial

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for

show examples

them. I personally lean towards the second position.

This

essay will focus on

adressing

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addressing

this

issue. On the one hand, supporters of

children

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children's

show examples

right to be part of

workforce

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the workforce

show examples

argue that

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apply

show examples

it is beneficial for teenagers to start earning their

money

even before they turn 18. Emploement or

small comers

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smallcomers

can

provied

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provide

them with pocket

money

while

also

, giving them life

expiriense

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expenses

and a sense of value in

money

. As an

exapmle

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example

famous

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the famous

show examples

American tradition of selling lemonade,

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apply

show examples

easy

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an easy

show examples

job even for

minor

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minors

show examples

, that

also

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apply

show examples

teaches

him

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them

show examples

responsibility and

basics

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the basics

show examples

of business strategy

futhermore

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furthermore

, it

providies

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provides

sourse

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source

of income, that children can spend on whatever they want.

On the other hand

, there

are

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show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

significant opposition to that argument. People with

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opposing

oppousing

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opposing

view

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views

show examples

this

issue argue that there are no benefits

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show examples

child labour,

also

, it is harmful

for

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show examples

minors. As an argument,

school aged

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school-aged

show examples

boys and girls shall spend more time and effort on education and themselves. It is harmful for

teenager

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teenagers

show examples

to spend a lot of time on work, as it would generally lower their interest in education and can hurt their social connections, like, sports,

hobbys

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hobbies

friends

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and friends

show examples

. Another good point is that

enabaling

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enabling

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the emploement

show examples

emploement

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employment

of minors is a way of child exploitation, as

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apply

show examples

example,

companys

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companies

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apply

show examples

macdonalds

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Macdonalds

show examples

and

starbacks

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Starbucks

star backs

pay less to their underaged

empoes

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employees

thus

exploiting them. In conclusion, I will summarize that I

tent

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tend

show examples

to support

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the empoement

show examples

empoement

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empowerment

employment

of teenagers in

workforse

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workforce

. As I

belive

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believe

show examples

there are more pluses

then

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than

show examples

minuses. I see

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the opportyniti

show examples

opportyniti

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opportunity

opportunities

to earn yourself

money

as a

presues

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press

one,

especialy

Correct your spelling

especially

when parents cannot or don’t want to satisfy your demands.

Submitted by acaitaz on Sun Mar 03 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Work on improving the logical flow of ideas. The arguments presented in the essay sometimes appear disjointed, making it harder for the reader to follow your line of reasoning. Consider using more transitional phrases and ensure each paragraph clearly connects to your overall argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure the introduction and conclusion are both present and fully developed. While your essay does include these elements, further refining them to clearly state your thesis and summarize your arguments could enhance their impact.

Coherence & Cohesion

Enhance the support for your main points by including more detailed examples and explanations. While you do provide examples, deeper analysis and more context could strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.

Task Achievement

Ensure your response thoroughly addresses all aspects of the task. Your essay does take a stance and explores both viewpoints, but more detailed exploration and a clearer, stronger personal opinion could improve your task achievement score.

Task Achievement

Strive for clarity and depth in your ideas. Some parts of the essay could benefit from more precise explanations and specific details to fully convey your arguments and support your opinion. This will help in making your essay more comprehensive and persuasive.

Task Achievement

Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. The examples you use are good, but adding more, particularly with real-world data or studies, could provide stronger evidence for your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
53
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

312 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Child labor
Exploitation
Minimum age
Work experience
Survival
Taking responsibility
Education
Poverty
Legal restrictions
Physical toll
Psychological impact
Cultural perceptions
International conventions
Economic impact
Work-study programs
Skilled labor
Unskilled labor
Developing economies
Moral implications
Professional development

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In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

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When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jails, while others believe that they should be treated like patients and sent to hospital. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.