IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

nowdays, many people choose to be self- employes, rather than to work for a company or organaisation. why might this be the case? what could be the disadvantages of being self employed?

#nowdays #people #self- #employes #work #company #organaisation #be #case #self
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there is no denying the fact that these days many
people
Use synonyms
 want to be
self-employment
Replace the word
self-employed
show examples
 rather than join a company.
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reason for
this
Linking Words
 trend and
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 points of being
self- employed
Correct your spelling
self-employed
show examples
. to being with, there are many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
 to become self-employment.
firstly
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 especially the youth are searching for financial independence,
in other words
Linking Words
, they want to achieve
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own goals by establishing their
praivat
Correct your spelling
private
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
.
i
Correct your spelling
In
show examples
 addition,
due to
Linking Words
medren
Correct your spelling
modern
 technology and the internet these days it has become easy to start your work with few
resource
Change to a plural noun
resources
show examples
.
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 if you want to open a store, you need to register
yed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
on any website like
amazon
Capitalize word
Amazon
show examples
 or
ali baba
Correct your spelling
Ali Baba
show examples
 and start
your
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
sellying
Correct your spelling
selling
 your products online. in terms of negatives being a business owner is a huge
responiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 it is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that you
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 responsible for your employees
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since you need to guide them and follow up on their work.
moreover
Linking Words
, being self-
emplr
Correct your spelling
employ
empire
ample
Correct your spelling
eyed
oyed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
you may not have the same level of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job security as working for a
Correct your spelling
company
compamny
Correct your spelling
company
 or organization because you may have benefits
such
Linking Words
 as health insurance or
Correct your spelling
retirement
retierment
Correct your spelling
retirement
 plans.
come
Capitalize word
Come
show examples
 in conclusion, there are many causes for
people
Use synonyms
 to choose to be
slf
Correct your spelling
self
employmoyed
Correct your spelling
employed
. it
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 true that it may
containe
Correct your spelling
contain
 some risks like potential income. so if you decide to build your business,
then
Linking Words
 you
havr
Correct your spelling
have
 to be careful when you take
this
Linking Words
 step and you ought to plan well for it.
Submitted by eman.alghamdi2018 on

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Structure
Focus on clarifying your essay's structure by presenting a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This structure makes it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
Language Use
Work on your spelling and grammar. Errors, such as 'self-employment' spelled as 'self-employment' and 'modern' as 'medren', can detract from your essay's credibility and clarity.
Content
Incorporate more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and your essay stronger overall.
Relevance
Be cautious with the repetition of ideas. Try to diversify your arguments and provide unique insights in each paragraph to keep the reader engaged.
Depth
Consider adding a counter-argument or discussing opposing viewpoints to provide depth to your analysis and make your essay more comprehensive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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