IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that going to a fitness centers regularly is unnecessary. Instead they believe the combining occasional exercise (such as going for walk) with a balanced diet is enough to stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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The
necessities
Fix the agreement mistake
necessity
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 of working out is readily apparent to people.
Due to
Linking Words
 diverse ways of exercising, the manner of doing is
point
Add an article
the point
a point
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 of contention. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
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increasing the number of gyms,
non-necessity
Correct your spelling
the necessity
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 of going to
Use synonyms
sport center
Fix the agreement mistake
sports centers
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 is advocated for being healthy. By considering all
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 aspects of
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 essay discusses my proponent of its benefits. In terms of
importance
Add an article
the importance
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 of diet, is that it plays a vital factor in decreasing mortality. The rate of heart attack and blood pressure has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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skyrocketed, and doctors highly
recommends
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recommend
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 assigning a reasonable proportion of time to
exercising
Change the verb form
exercise
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 and dieting.
In addition
Linking Words
, in order to encourage everybody, the government
establish
Wrong verb form
established
show examples
 some
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 and pathways in
park
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the park
show examples
. In spite of free
facilities
Use synonyms
, the careless usage damages them, and
also
Linking Words
, they are not standardized for
every body
Correct your spelling
everybody
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
, which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 iron, have been set up by Tehran mayor, but they are too cold to utilize them, so these can hurt a body and jeopardize health.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, as it was mentioned before, there are
plethora
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a plethora
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 of gyms and coaches, which can ameliorate
bodies
Change the noun form
body
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 health. They can
equip
Wrong verb form
be equipped
show examples
 with standard equipment and provide a fitness plan. The ways of its improvements are not just based on
practicing
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practising
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, it would inculcate working out into individuals. To put it differently, because of paying
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
, everyone feels obligated to do it regularly.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it has been assessed that working out socially would be more beneficial than individually.
For example
Linking Words
, studying at home and
library
Correct article usage
the library
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 are two possible ways,
however
Linking Words
,
library
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the library
a library
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 can incentivize students to study efficiently.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the significant point of
healthy
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a healthy
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 body is cognization of the way of doing it. In
this
Linking Words
 era, there are lots of manners to avoid
multitude
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a multitude
the multitude
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 of
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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.
Use synonyms
Sport
Change the noun form
Sports
show examples
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 have been established to meet their needs in
this
Linking Words
 aspect.
Due to
Linking Words
 many pros of gyms,
such
Linking Words
 as incentivizing, obligation, and standard
facilities
Use synonyms
,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 could prioritize it as a manner of fitness.

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Task Achievement
To strengthen your essay, ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your main argument or stance on the issue. This sets a solid foundation for the reader.
Task Achievement
It's important to directly address the prompt. Consider both perspectives (the necessity of gyms vs. the effectiveness of occasional exercise and diet) more distinctly, stating your position clearly.
Task Achievement
Your essay could benefit from more specific examples to support your points. Think about including personal anecdotes, statistics, or studies that solidify your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific point. This enhances readability and helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your conclusion sums up your argument and reiterates your stance concisely. This gives a strong finish to your essay.
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