IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below shows figures for attendance at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and December 2017.

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The bar chart compares the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who attended hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland classified by their age in
December
Use synonyms
 2016 and 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 children aged less than 5
years
Use synonyms
 and older
people
Use synonyms
 who are at least 75
years
Use synonyms
 old make up the highest proportion of attendants.
Also
Linking Words
, the number of attendances has experienced a slight rise during the period shown. With regard to children who were less than 5
years
Use synonyms
 old, they made up about 50 persons of 1000 population in
December
Use synonyms
 2016,
while
Linking Words
 the figure increased slightly to about 55 persons. The number of those aged 5 to 15 and 16 to 44 were roughly 21 and 30, rising to approximately one or two
people
Use synonyms
 each after one year. Regarding those aged 45 to 64 and
also
Linking Words
 65 to 74, who attended hospital emergency care departments, it can be seen that their number is roughly the same, at about 30 individuals.
Finally
Linking Words
, the highest amount of attendance was
due to
Linking Words
 older
people
Use synonyms
 who are 75
years
Use synonyms
 old and over, with almost 65
people
Use synonyms
 in
December
Use synonyms
 2016, increasing to 70 persons after a year in
December
Use synonyms
 2016.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, december, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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