IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

It is argued that the majority of senior
positions
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 in businesses are held by
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men
Punctuation problem
men,
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 even though the employees in some industrialised nations are over 50 per cent
women
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. Companies should put a specific proportion of these
positions
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 for females.
This
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 essay disagrees with
this
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 statement because employers should select the best candidate, no matter what gender they are, and
this
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 method of employment may disadvantage
men
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. Companies should never differentiate between the sexes. Businesses are concerned with looking for the best staff they can get.
However
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, if they allocate a certain number of their staff for
women
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 only, the company will not be at its best because they will reduce the likelihood of getting better employees.
For example
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, in 2018, Google cancelled an internal programme to hire
women
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 only for programming
positions
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 after facing criticism from employees and experts that it could deprive the company of top candidates if the focus was on gender rather than skill and experience. Another reason why organisations should not focus only on hiring
women
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 is the great injustice
men
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 could face. The world is changing. Just like
men
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 used to take over jobs, now it's gradually turning to
women
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. If most employers chose
women
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 over
men
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 just because of their gender, not their job qualifications,
this
Linking Words
 is obviously an oppression towards
men
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.
As a result
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 of
this
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 phenomenon, there is an increase in unemployment among the youth.
For instance
Linking Words
, a 2013 Harvard University study and a 2019 OECD report: policies favouring
women
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 have increased unemployment among young
men
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, particularly in some European countries, by reducing their opportunities despite their qualifications, and have led to a widening gap in employment rates in favour of
women
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. In conclusion, limiting certain
positions
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 to
women
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 only may harm organisational performance and unfairly disadvantage male candidates.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first lines and tell how strong your view is. Restate your view in the end.
task response
Mention a fair view too, then defend your own view with more facts or good reasons.
task response
Use safer, clearer facts. If you give numbers or studies, explain what they show about your point.
coherence
Improve flow between ideas by using more linking words and clear topic sentences in each paragraph.
task response
A clear stance on the topic is shown.
coherence
Ideas follow a simple order and easy read.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender diversity
  • Affirmative action
  • Meritocracy
  • Quotas
  • Glass ceiling
  • Legal enforcement
  • Tokenism
  • Voluntary measures
  • Career progression
  • Representation
  • Workforce parity
  • Backlash
  • Historical imbalances
  • Corporate governance
  • Inclusive practices
  • Boardroom dynamics
  • Gender norms
  • Unconscious bias
  • Regulatory frameworks
  • Corporate ladder
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