IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that sport competitions are a source of emotional stress for young people. Therefore, youth should be banned from participating in sport competitions. Do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#believe #sport #competitions #source #stress #people #youth
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Allegedly,
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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competitions
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 and their effects
in
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on
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youths
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'
lives
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 are given significant attention. Many individuals believe that
youths
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 should be banned from participating in
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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competitions
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, so
as a
Linking Words
consequence
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consequence,
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 they give additional emotional
stress
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. I agree
youths
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 should be aware
about
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of
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 their mental well-being, and some
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 races may disrupt their mental health, but
engage
Wrong verb form
engaging
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 in
competitions
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 can
edeavour
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encourage
 them to be more
contious
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conscious
 about
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
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 issues. On the one hand, in today's
worlds
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world
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, students suffer from anxiety in many circumstances and one of them is in the
sport
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 competition. They want to acquire golden medals and they allocate most of their time to achieve
this
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 goal.
For instance
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, many juveniles from all over the world attempt to enter
Correct article usage
the Olympics
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Olympics
Correct your spelling
Olympic
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 games.
Additionally
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, they
practice
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 extensively
,
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apply
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 and strive to cope with
their
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the
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 pressures during their days.
Therefore
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, many of these young athletes not only suffer from depression,
stress
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, and helplessness, but they
also
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 cannot handle their school lessons. In fact, they should stabilize their mental well-being before engaging
any
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in any
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 competition, because mental health
play
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plays
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 a pivotal role in students'
lives
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.
On the other hand
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, juveniles should
practice
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 a lot in competition occasions, and discover appropriate strategies to fight
with
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apply
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their
stress
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due to
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 the fact that they might confront
with
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apply
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other pressures in their future
lives
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.
For instance
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, either they must seize career opportunities and compete with other employees, or they have to pass university entrance exams.
Therefore
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, they must improve their
mind-set
Correct your spelling
mindset
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 and
practice
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 a lot to manage their
stress
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 in
such
Linking Words
 situations. In conclusion, coaches have considerable responsibility to
practice
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 with young athletes and improve their brain performance in
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sport
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sports
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competitions
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, not ban them.
In addition
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,
such
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competitions
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 encourage
youths
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 to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant performance in their future
lives
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, so they should learn many tricks to perform better in stressful positions.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is present at the end of the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.
task achievement
Develop your main points more comprehensively by expanding on the details and implications of each point.
coherence cohesion
Introduce a wider range of linking devices and paragraphing strategies to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points; real-life cases or studies can enhance your arguments significantly.
coherence cohesion
Check for minor grammatical errors and ensure your essay follows a clear and consistent tense throughout.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Emotional stress
  • Young athletes
  • High-pressure environments
  • Resilience
  • Discipline
  • Teamwork
  • Supportive coaching
  • Adequate rest
  • Personal growth
  • Structured competition
  • Goals
  • Manage failure
  • Celebrate achievements
  • Personal development
  • Mental health
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