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Band 5

The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (Pie chart)

The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (Pie chart)
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #information #features #comparisons
This
 pie
charts
Change the determiner
chart
show examples
 depicts the working time that adults spend on different activities
in particular
 country in 1958 and 2008. It is clear from the graph that
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 in 2008 was highest
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1958,
nevertheless
 some of
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 were
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 than
2008
Change preposition
in 2008
show examples
, and
this
what
Add a missing verb
is what
show examples
 we going to figure out in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 paragraph.
According to
 what is shown ,about time working in 1950 Sleeping rate was
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 increase 1958
then
 it
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 from 32% to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
25% in 2008, as well as Going out (with friends or family) had experienced
Correct article usage
a swiftly
show examples
swiftly
Change the word
swift
show examples
 fall from 19% to 6% huge change .
However
 in 2008 everything
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 approximately starting from
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 rate
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
going up to 42% in 2008
similarly
 travel to work rose
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2% to 8%
along with
 other interests or playing sports has the same percentage which is 8%,
in addition
 Relaxing at home become 13% from 8%.
Submitted by reem2006303 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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