IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that immigrating to other countries is a positive development. Do you agree or disagree with that?

#people #countries #development
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Immigration
 has become
quiet
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quite
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 popular in the recent past. Many people
recon
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reckon
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 that relocating to other countries brings about positive impacts. I agree that
immigration
 contributes positively to growth and development as is demonstrated
on
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in
show examples
this
 essay.
Firstly
,
Immigration
 has a positive influence on the host
country
.
For example
, many people have moved to
Australia
 from Kenya either for
further
 studies or for job opportunities.
This
 has in turn promoted the economy of the
country
 since they have access to people with different skills that are essential to them.
Thus
,
Australia
's growth and development rate continues to rise and many of their skilled shortages are being filled up by the immigrants. In fact, research has shown that immigrants are the main
contributers
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contributors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Australia
's economy.
Secondly
, migrating to a different
country
 exposes one to new opportunities and experiences that
otherwise
 would not have been possible in their own
country
.
For instance
, moving to a
Add a hyphen
first-world
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first world
Add a hyphen
first-world
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country
such
 as
Australia
 opens you up to a world of new possibilities and in turn, you are able to gain better experiences and exposure not just in your career or study but,
also
 in
social
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apply
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your social
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
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 of life.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, upon returning to their
country
, immigrants
also
 have a better chance of improving their own
country
's development through the
knowldge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and skills acquired
while
 abroad. Undoubtedly,
immigration
 plays a crucial role in the advancement of both the host
country
 and the individual.
Thus
, it is essential to advocate for
immigration
.
Submitted by vkisiero on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay would benefit from a more structured introduction and a clear conclusion summarizing your main points and restating your position. Adding these elements will make your argument stronger and more coherent.
Linking & Paragraphing
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to use a range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more clearly. Also, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by examples or reasons.
Task Response & Examples
Although you have provided some examples to support your arguments, to enhance the task achievement score, make sure to include more detailed and specific examples. Additionally, directly addressing the prompt by stating your agreement or disagreement more explicitly throughout the essay would also be beneficial.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • affordability
  • accessibility
  • cultural exchange
  • global connectivity
  • economic contributor
  • environmental impact
  • cultural erosion
  • infrastructure
  • overtourism
  • global perspective
  • socio-economic implications
  • career opportunities
What to do next:
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