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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008.

The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008.
#bar #minutes #billions #telephone #australia #three #categories
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The bar graph describes the comparison of minutes of
telephone
Use synonyms
 calls used by
Autralian
Correct your spelling
Australian
 in three categories namely, Local National & International and
Mobiles
Use synonyms
 over
8-year
Correct article usage
an 8-year
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
period from 2001 to 2008 As the graph shows, the number of
minute
Fix the agreement mistake
minutes
show examples
 of
telephone
Use synonyms
 calls rose with some fluctuations. Local was the largest of minute of
Use synonyms
telephone
Add an article
a telephone
show examples
 call
while
Linking Words
 the opposite trend was true for the data for
Natonal
Correct your spelling
National
 & International and
Mobiles
Use synonyms
. Regarding the figure for Local, from 2001 to 2005, the number of
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
show examples
telephone
Use synonyms
 calls increased steadily from 72 to 90. During the period from 2005 to 2008, there was
gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
show examples
 went down between 90 and 72. In terms of National & International and
Mobiles
Use synonyms
, there was a decline significantly between 2001 and 2008 from 38 to 61 and from 2 to 46.
However
Linking Words
 speed
increased
Verb problem
apply
show examples
of
Mobiles
Use synonyms
 was faster than National & International was 21 minutes.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words telephone, mobiles with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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