IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

These days, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #socialise #face #be #case #development
It is generally claimed that having chats with
friends
 can be best achieved through the internet.
As a result
,
socialise
 online is more popular than
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
. I personally agree with the idea that
socialise
Wrong verb form
socialising
show examples
 online is a positive
development
.
Furthermore
, I will explain in
this
 essay,
I
Correct pronoun usage
what I
show examples
believe
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to
this
 situation
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
mine
Correct your spelling
same
show examples
 reason. There are a number of strong arguments to support the idea that
people
 want to
use
 the internet to
socialise
. With the rapid growth of science and technology, more and more
people
 choosing to make
friends
 online.
This
 is easier than before.
For instance
, before when one wanted to talk with one’s
friends
, they could
use
 pens and paper to write letters. Because
process
Add an article
the process
show examples
 is complex and cumbersome,
people
 invest lots of time in
this
 thing. Not only was it slow but
also
 unsafety. Because they maybe just wrote one wrong number or litter with the address.
Therefore
, their
friends
 could not get the letter. Nowadays,
people
 communicate with others just
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 their fingers and mobile phone
Consequently
, using online
socialise
 is more popular, quicker and easier than before.
While
 socialising
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
 makes
people
 feel more intimate, there are some important reasons to agree with the idea that choosing to
socialise
 online is a positive
development
. In the past, when we did
works
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
, we
must
Verb problem
had
show examples
 to get to the scene. But, now we can do it online.
For example
, we could not go to school and work during COVID-19, we just could stay at home, we wanted to learn more knowledge and make more
friends
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
impossibility
Add an article
an impossibility
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, we can
use
 APPs to finish our study and work.
As a result
, using socialising online is a positive
development
. In conclusion, it is generally believed that nowadays we choose to
socialise
 online
due to
 it is easier and quicker than before.
In addition
, I believe socialising online can make our lives easier so it is a positive
development
.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure consisting of an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be developed logically.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Clearly address both parts of the question. Discuss why more people are choosing to socialise online and then clearly state if you think this is a positive or negative development, providing reasons for your opinion.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. This adds credibility to your essay and helps the reader understand your points better.
coherence cohesion
Work on your grammar and vocabulary to express your ideas more clearly and persuasively. This will greatly improve the coherence of the essay and help achieve a better score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: