IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should obey rules and listen to their parents and teachers; Some others believe that less control will help children deal with their adult life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #rules #parents #teachers #control #adult #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Whether
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 must adhere to their supervisers' obligations or not is an issue of public debate and concern.
Although
parents
 and teachers aim
for planning
Change preposition
to plan
show examples
 the best life for their
loving
Replace the word
loved
show examples
 ones, it is of the most importance to consider their freedom to not
Add a missing verb
be invaided
show examples
invaided
Correct your spelling
invaded
invade
. In the following essay, I will argue why
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 should be free to decide for
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
, despite the
unevideble
Correct your spelling
inevitable
unenviable
 role of
nuclear
Correct article usage
the nuclear
show examples
 family and authorities. On the one hand, there is a widely held opinion that it is essential that children follow the
olders'
Change noun form
olders
show examples
 rules on account of the fact that they are more experienced
as well as
 they want the best for those ones. To clarify, these
supervisers
Correct your spelling
supervisors
 have a tendency to
orgenize
Correct your spelling
organise
 child's life based on their own childhood memories and happenings.
Inspite
Correct your spelling
In spite
 of the fact that they might force the child with something toward which she or he
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not show partiality, those memories might bring a myriad of
tromas
Correct your spelling
traumas
aromas
 within
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
. A case in point could be the sense of superiority
causing
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 by
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 regulations and life-planning.
Hence
, young children have been
tromotized
Correct your spelling
traumatized
 by the way their
parents
 and tutor
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 them to act and manifest their desires. Freedom,
on the other hand
, will
contribut
Correct your spelling
contribute
 to a number of delighted features in
childern's
Correct your spelling
children's
 behaviors. The chief one would be the ability
of having
Replace the preposition
to have
show examples
 self-esteem in diverse situations. Confronting the consequences of their action, younger people have been
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
 to form an
indipendent
Correct your spelling
independent
 personality in order to not demolish their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
However
, there are always some oldest who are protecting them from far behind not getting harmed and damaged.
Likewise
,
this
 action of
parents
 will lead to thicker skin and become more powerful
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.
Thus
, if adolescents find
this
 opportunity to bring up
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own, they will become more
invencable
Correct your spelling
invincible
. To encapsulate,
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
 with
Correct article usage
a superviser
show examples
superviser
Correct your spelling
supervisor
 might have been raised as a less secure person in life,
nevertheless
,
self confidance
Correct your spelling
self-confidence
 is what children without obligation will gain
by
Change preposition
over
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, I argued why
this
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
happens
happen
 based on some grounds.
Submitted by momenzade.mahna1999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly state your position and summarize the main points of your argument. You've done this well, but it can be made more succinct for a stronger impact.
Task Achievement, Coherence & Cohesion
To improve clarity and comprehensibility, focus on proofreading your work for spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. Regularly mistakes distract from the overall quality of your writing.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, provide more specific and varied examples. This makes your points more convincing and engaging for the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on developing a more logical structure in your essay by using clear paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea. Including topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs can help with this.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your argument and make your essay easier to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Discipline
  • Autonomy
  • Independency
  • Creativity
  • Conformity
  • Rebelliousness
  • Maturation
  • Guidance
  • Cognitive development
  • Protector
  • Evaluator
  • Boundaries
  • Negotiation
  • Empowerment
  • Self-discipline
  • Regulatory guidelines
  • Flexibility
  • Adaptation
  • Socio-emotional skills
  • Decision-making process
  • Moral compass
  • Real-world challenges
  • Controlled environment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: