Many people spend less time in their homes. What do you think are the reasons? what effects does it have on individuals and the society?
From the initial days of creation,
home
has always played an important role in people's lives. Nowadays, as individuals get Add an article
the home
further
from their families
and their residence, several problems can arise which I'm going to explain them
.
Change preposition
to them
To begin
with, financial problems are the main reason of
forcing society away from their residences. Technology progresses every day and the community has new issues to deal with. So, they need more money Change preposition
for
meet
the needs of their Fix the infinitive
to meet
families
with their education or work which requires more working
and less time of being at home. Replace the word
work
For example
, when I was 12, I just spend
a hundred dollars for my sixth grade but nowadays, students spend thousands of dollars to purchase laptops and other smart devices for education.
Spending less time with family can affect the society both physically and mentally. The most Wrong verb form
spent
destruction
impact of Replace the word
destructive
this
issue is collapse
of Add an article
the collapse
a collapse
families
. When fellas meet their families
less than before, in the long term, they care about them less which deteriorates the relationship. Hence
, this
can cause mental diseases like depression which is related to physical illnesses as well. At
the end, Change the preposition
In
this
problem can lead to divorce that
affects the whole life of younger members of the community. Correct pronoun usage
which
For example
, divorce
rate has increased by 35 per cent in 2023 globally compared to Add an article
the divorce
last
year.
To conclude
, being away from home has a lot of destructive influences on the
society Correct article usage
apply
which
most of Correct pronoun usage
apply
them
are still obscure. But the only thing Correct pronoun usage
which
that is
clear that
all of those are bad.Add a missing verb
is that
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider organizing your essay more logically. Start with an introduction that clearly states your main points, then develop each point in its own paragraph. Use linking words to create smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure you directly address all parts of the prompt. The prompt asks for reasons people spend less time at home and the effects this has on individuals and society. Make sure to clearly outline both aspects and provide detailed explanations and examples for each.
task achievement
Using more specific examples can strengthen your arguments. While general statements have their place, detailed examples help illustrate your points more vividly and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Consider expanding your introduction and conclusion for a stronger opening and closing. Both sections should succinctly summarize your main points and overall stance on the topic.