IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree. #people #

#people #government #focus #pollution #illness #disease
No doubt, atmosphere pollution and home
problems
 are growing day by day. Some people believe that it is
Correct article usage
the responsibilty
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responsibilty
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responsibility
 of
government
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the government
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 authority to take
farward
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forward
 steps to deteriorate these pressing
problems
 to overcome physical health
problems
 which are
provking
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provoking
proving
due to
 them. In my assertion, it is not only the duty of public
sctor
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sector
,
however
, the role of society members is
also
 crucial to curb
this
 problem.
to begin
 with, there are innumerable significant reasons of
occuring
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occurring
 environmental pollution and housing
problems
.
Manyy
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Many
 of the
problems
 are rising because of
people
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people's
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 lifestyles. To be more precise,
individuals
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individuals'
individual's
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 extensive use of vehicles,
use
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the use
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 of plastic bags and bottles to carry things,
carbon
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and carbon
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footwears
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footwear
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 are all major
source
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sources
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 of depleting the ozone layer rapidly. In order that,
these
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this
show examples
 man-made pollution
are
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is
show examples
 germane to massive physical ailments. A stand out example regarding it, everyone at one home has
seperate
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separate
 transport to travel, which produces
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
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 smoke and
making
Wrong verb form
makes
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 our atmosphere more harmful.
Moreover
, household
problems
 to eradicate personal diseases
is
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are
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 unable without the
individaual
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individual
personal
will power
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willpower
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. To some
extent
Add a comma
extent,
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 non-profit organizations can help them if someone
is belong
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belongs
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 to
undepriviliged
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underprivileged
 family background,
although
 the awareness about the problem
is hinges
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hinges
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 on
themselevs
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themselves
.
To conclude
, there is no
possibilty
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possibility
 to control both drastic environmental and physical
problems
 with the support of any single person or public sector. The
assistence
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assistance
 of both
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 required simultaneously.
Otherwise
 ,
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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all efforts will be futile to stop
such
deterimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 issues.
Submitted by amnamunir764 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides an opinion, but it could benefit from clearer and more comprehensive development of ideas. Consider expanding on each point with more detailed explanations and relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more logically. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This will help in making your essay more cohesive and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas both within and between paragraphs. It will help the reader to follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structures. This will aid in enhancing clarity and making your arguments more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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