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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that no one should do this beneficia forever, while omers believe that doing the same job is beneficial for the individual, company and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #beneficia #omers #job #company #society
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It is believed by some that
people
Use synonyms
 should
change
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jobs
Use synonyms
 often,
whereas
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 others argue that it is beneficial for
people
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 to stick to
one
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job
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 for life, grab a pension and retire.
This
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 essay intends to discuss both perspectives.
While
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 believe that frequent
job
Use synonyms
-hopping is not good, a
job
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change
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, once or twice in
one
Use synonyms
's whole career span is acceptable. On the
one
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 hand, those who favour changing
jobs
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 every few years, give their reasons as follows.
Firstly
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, changing
jobs
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 can help a person to develop new skills and get different types of experience.
For example
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, when
people
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
jobs
Use synonyms
, they are pushed out of their comfort zone and they are pushed to learn new routines.
Secondly
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, it keeps things interesting and prevents work from becoming boring and monotonous. It is
also
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 an opportunity to figure out which type of
employers
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 and company culture
suit
Change the verb form
suits
show examples
people
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 the best.
On the other hand
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, there are many reasons why some
people
Use synonyms
 support sticking to a single
job
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 forever. The main reason is that it increases
job
Use synonyms
 security in today's time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when
job
Use synonyms
 uncertainty is at an all-time high.
Employers
Use synonyms
 are not only more likely to retain workers who have been working longer but they are
also
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 hesitant to hire
people
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, who have a history of changing
jobs
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 frequently. Sticking to
one
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job
Use synonyms
also
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 helps in better work-life balance.
In other words
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, with time
people
Use synonyms
 become more comfortable with their work responsibilities and
thus
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 they are able to devote more time to their personal life.
While
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 I believe changing
jobs
Use synonyms
 once or twice in a career span is certainly beneficial, I
also
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 believe that frequent
job
Use synonyms
 hopping can be detrimental. Apart from the benefits mentioned above, the varied experience from working in different positions and companies makes
people
Use synonyms
 more adaptable and flexible. It
also
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 makes them more valuable to
employers
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 and
thus
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 they earn higher paychecks.
However
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, if
people
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 their
jobs
Use synonyms
 too often,
employers
Use synonyms
 start questioning their loyalty. So,
people
Use synonyms
 should avoid changing
jobs
Use synonyms
 too frequently.
To sum up
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, an occasional
job
Use synonyms
change
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 is understandable, but hopping from
one
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 to the other every year or two
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is surely not good for the employees and
employers
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 both.
Submitted by psingh8059 on

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coherence cohesion
To further improve your score, ensure your essay has a clear, coherent structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument. Use clear paragraphing with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
task achievement
Be more specific with your examples. Offering detailed, relevant examples strengthens your argument and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic you are discussing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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