IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people have difficulty maintaining a healthy diet. What are the causes of this problem? How could it be solved?

#people #difficulty #diet
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Balanced
Correct article usage
A balanced
show examples
diet
 and exercise are the two pivotal habits for a healthy life. The enormous work-related stress and
oversumption
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
 of
junk
food
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 it difficult to eat a healthy
diet
 regularly.
This
 essay will shed light on the factors which promote unhealthy eating, providing some solutions for the same. Nowadays, no one can escape from short deadlines and stress at
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
. The working hours are extended to 10-12 hours a day, and in
this
 hectic schedule, it becomes impossible to be motivated to stick to a healthy
diet
. When stressed and
frustated
Correct your spelling
frustrated
, people get lured into eating unhealthy snacks.
According to
 a report, obesity has increased by 90 %
due to
 office stress. Not only
this
, but varieties of unhealthy
food
options
 available in
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
 are huge.
Due to
 the technological
advacement
Correct your spelling
advancement
advancements
, a person can order packaged
food
while
 driving back
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
home in a car within minutes.
The
Correct article usage
Options
show examples
options
 like- processed, packaged, and frozen items are available at cheap costs. The advertisements of
such
food
options
 on online applications
tempts
Change the verb form
tempt
show examples
 an individual, thereby relying more on hotel and outside
food
 and less on homemade nutritious
food
. The USA,
for example
, reported maximum use of frozen foods at home,
due to
 extensive promotion by manufacturers and availability at supermarkets. There are some ways that
this
 problem can be solved.
First,
at
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 human resource department should organize sessions and calls which
caters
Correct subject-verb agreement
cater
show examples
 to encouraging healthy eating habits. There should be events organized like
car- free
Correct your spelling
car-free
show examples
 day,
nutritionist
Fix the agreement mistake
nutritionists
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, and
dietician free
Add a hyphen
dietician-free
show examples
 sessions that
provokes
Change the verb form
provoke
show examples
 employees to stop eating unhealthy,
junk
 and ready-made meals.
Second,
the promotion and the packaging of healthy
options
 like salads should be increased.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should increase the tax on
junk
 packaged
food
 and find paths to promote healthy
food
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
. In conclusion, eating
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
diet
 is difficult
due to
change
Wrong verb form
changes
show examples
 in lifestyle, overburden at work, and
variety
Correct article usage
the variety
show examples
 of
junk
 foods available.
Nevertheless
, there are many alternatives by which eating habits can be improved.
Submitted by jahnvi.singh1812 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures more to add complexity and sophistication to your writing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that subsequent sentences support that idea directly.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, focus on fully addressing all parts of the question, including both causes and solutions, with equal depth and development.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including topic-specific terms, to enrich your essay.
task achievement
Keep your examples specific and detailed. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Remember to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors to enhance its overall clarity and readability.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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