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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions. Others believe it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #traditions #attractions
Many
people
 argue about whether making
money
 from cultural
traditions
 is good or bad. On one side, some
people
 think that selling cultural items or using
traditions
 to attract tourists can help keep these
traditions
 alive. They believe that the
money
 made can be used to support the artists and help the
community
 keep
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 their
traditions
.
However
, other
people
 worry that turning
traditions
 into
money
-making activities can change them too much or make them less meaningful. They're concerned that
traditions
 might be altered to appeal more to outsiders, losing the real reasons they are important to the
community
.
Also
, there's a fear that only a few
people
 might make
money
 from
this
, leaving out the rest of the
community
. I think that making
money
 from cultural
traditions
 isn't necessarily bad. If done carefully and respectfully, it can help preserve these
traditions
. It's important that the
community
 decides how their
traditions
 are shared and sold to make sure they're shown accurately and respectfully. In short, selling cultural
traditions
 can be a good way to keep them going if it's done in the right way. It's all about finding a balance between making
money
 and keeping the
traditions
 true to their origins.
Submitted by ayeshaf1339 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure to provide specific examples to illustrate your points more vividly. This adds depth to your arguments and strengthens your essay. Consider real-world instances where cultural traditions benefited from being used as attractions, or situations where such practices led to negative consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay has a good structure, you might want to enhance its coherence by connecting ideas more seamlessly. Use transition words or phrases to guide your reader through your argument. This makes your essay easier to follow and strengthens the linkage between your paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Try to maintain a balance between presenting both views before stating your opinion. This ensures that your essay is comprehensive and fair. When giving your opinion, back it up with solid reasons and possibly some personal or observed experiences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • commodification
  • authenticity
  • palatable
  • over-simplification
  • misrepresentation
  • commercialization
  • cultural integrity
  • marketplace
  • preservation
  • continuation
  • restoration
  • livelihoods
  • artisans
  • performers
  • wider audience
  • foster
  • appreciation
  • understanding
  • careful management
  • viable path
  • generating income
  • integrity
  • cultural practices
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