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Band 3

History is not useful in our life. Do you agree or disagree?

#history #life
Nowadays, some people think that
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
problems
 should be solved
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
internationally. Others,
however
, that they have to be tackled domestically. The first advantage of
international
Correct article usage
an international
show examples
 solution is a single approach because
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
problems
 are global and touch all the
countries
.
Moreover
, if governments
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 united with one goal it can make better for their relations and
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be connected with a trade turnover for
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. The first advantage of solving
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
problems
 domestically is
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 amount of local
problems
 in every region.
It
Correct pronoun usage
There
show examples
 is no need to make an alliance when
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is no solution for less important
problems
.
Furthermore
, alliances are not profitable for poor
countries
, and the first thought I wrote in
this
 paragraph is mostly about poor
countries
.
For example
, there is a poor state
that is
 in alliance
which
Change preposition
with which
show examples
 was founded for fighting pollution but in the territories of
this
states
Fix the agreement mistake
state
show examples
 lives a type of animal on the verge of extinction.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 is in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 situation where it
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
pay
Fix the infinitive
to pay
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
taxes to
alliance
Replace the word
ally
show examples
 and save animals. It makes
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 worse than it was before.
To conclude
, I want to say that
that
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
for poor
countries
 it is not
advantageously
Change the word
advantageous
show examples
 to join alliances because of the question of money.
That is
 why I think that states should solve environmental
problems
 by themselves.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly states your position on the issue. This sets the tone for the rest of the essay and makes your argument more coherent.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Start with an introductory paragraph, follow with body paragraphs each focusing on one main idea, and conclude with a summary of your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. Concrete examples make your points more convincing and the essay as a whole more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Try to more clearly differentiate between the advantages and disadvantages of the international and domestic approaches to environmental problems. Clarifying your points will lead to a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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