Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

It is argued whether
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
population could pose an issue or a benefit to societies.
This
essay aims to prove that having
ageing
Correct article usage
an ageing
show examples
population far
outhweighes
Correct your spelling
outweighs
outweigh
outweighed
its disadvantages.
Firstly
, elderly persons are widely important for their cultural knowledge.
Such
heritage is valuable for every generation,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
for young
people
, since it helps them understand where they come from and where they are directed.
For example
, grandparents in certain indigenous communities are considered 'sacred' for the cultural knowledge that they bear. They guide and counsel troubled younger generations, who often reach out for their advice. Even though some
pople
Correct your spelling
people
might disagree with
this
statement, based on the fact that elderly
people
do not provide
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
value for the industry, since most of them can no longer work at regular jobs.
However
, it is not
whorty
Correct your spelling
worthy
worth
to deem and
condem
Correct your spelling
condemn
such
a large community of
people
for
this
sole reason, because the elderly can provide help with tasks they are familiarized with,
in addition
to
instruct
Wrong verb form
instructing
show examples
and
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
people
as well. To illustrate, most of the elderly women were taught how to do manual
task
Change the noun form
tasks
show examples
such
as knitting, cooking or gardening. Those are valuable skills that could be useful to everyone
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since knowing how to cook or plant convey parts of daily life tasks.
According to
a recent study made by The Guardian, elderly women in the country of Colombia often lead and make workshops for 'modern'
people
who would like to learn how to bake, or
overall
, gain manual abilities.
To conclude
, even though
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
populations could present a problem for governments, the value and insights provided by them are fundamental for conservating culture,
as well as
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
new facts and activities to implement in daily life. Underscoring
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the relevance of our elders helps us construct better and more stable societies.
Submitted by alejandragarciabaez.9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure your essay directly addresses the question from the beginning. State clearly if you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which you did effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the cohesion of your essay by using a wider range of linking phrases and topic sentences to introduce new paragraphs. This will help to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task response
To improve on supporting your main points, continue to include relevant examples as you did with the indigenous communities and elderly women in Colombia. Consider adding more statistics or studies to further bolster your argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: