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Band 4

More developing countries are being given aid by international organizations to help them in their development plans. Some people argue that financial aid is important but others suggest that practical aid and advice are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #aid #organizations #development #plans #people #advice
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is who
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 to provide
poorer
Change preposition
for poorer
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 nations. It is undeniable that in one country there are wealthy and poor citizens.
However
, there is no absolute agreement on whether poor citizens should be provided by wealthy nations or by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. A commonly held belief is that
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
 part
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 should share their money with
poor
Add an article
the poor
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 part. As
the
Correct article usage
apply
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evidence of
this
Add a comma
this,
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 they point to that every month rich
people
 should give
certain
Change the article
a certain
show examples
 amount of money to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
indigent families.
Furthermore
, they have to provide them with food and education. It could be explained by the fact that by sharing money all citizens of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
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 will be
in
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on
show examples
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
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 level.
Moreover
, wealth of the state would not have been spent.
As a result
, it leads to that society will be without rivalry and bullying.
On the other hand
, some
people
 claim that
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
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 of providing
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
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 population lies
on
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with
show examples
 the government.
For example
, they may mention that, if poor
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 take out a loan, governments should pay
off
Correct pronoun usage
it off
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 if they cannot.
In addition
, they should give
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some products in the market. The explanation lies in the fact that
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 would be
peer
Fix the agreement mistake
peers
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.
Therefore
, poor nations will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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live without limitations and live as other
normally
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normal
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people
. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would agree that wealthy
people
 should share
with
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apply
show examples
their treasure. In my opinion, it is the best solution for
this
 issue.
Therefore
, by giving to charity everyone could live in social equality.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Ensure the essay directly addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding aid to developing countries, and clearly state your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Develop a clear introduction that outlines the essay's purpose and your stance on the topic. Include a conclusion that summarises your discussion and restates your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. Use topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to guide the reader.
task achievement
Support your main points with relevant examples or reasons. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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