Some say that music, art, and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#say #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level

In my opinion,

music

has a significant meaning in our lives like arts and science.

Eveyone

Correct your spelling

Everyone

has their own view of

music

. Some people listen to

music

to kill time or find

insparation

Correct your spelling

inspiration

and some of them even dedicate their dreams solely to the melody of songs.

Music

is the creation of nature and animals were the first singers in

this

world. The chirp of birds, roars of lions and tigers, choir of whales

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

etc. made songs way before mankind did. Making the environment more brighter and

colorfull

Correct your spelling

colourful

is the main purpose of

music

. After 90.000.000 years,

music

has been developing and sorted

Change preposition

into

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

diffrent

Correct your spelling

different

types.

Tradional

Correct your spelling

Traditional

music

is far more ancient than modern ones like pop or jazz. It was created by people of specific

nation

Fix the agreement mistake

nations

show examples

a long time ago and it describes the pain and hardships of that time. I support the idea of

tradional

Correct your spelling

traditional

music

not being forgotten,

however

, not everybody has to

listen

Add the preposition

listen to

show examples

the songs they do not like.

Music

changes like technology and economy and it can not be prevented. Every single person

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

their own taste and it is good to have

diffrent

Correct your spelling

different

opinions, but it is not right to force them to like

tradional

Correct your spelling

traditional

ones just because they love international

music

. Humans were born to live happily and without

restrains

Replace the word

restraints

show examples

. Anything can bring joy starting from

music

, arts and sports to simple things like love. In conclusion,

music

is made for everyone to enjoy and any

types

Fix the agreement mistake

type

show examples

music

has

significant

Add an article

a significant

show examples

place in our hearts.

Submitted by dnm.best on Tue Mar 05 2024

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Task Achievement

Introduce a clear thesis statement in your introduction that directly addresses the question. For instance, explicitly state whether you agree or disagree with the importance of music, art, and drama in schools.

Coherence & Cohesion

Enhance your coherence by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a separate point related to your overall argument. Ensure there is a logical flow from one paragraph to the next.

Task Achievement

Use specific examples to support your main points. Rather than speaking generally about music, include examples that demonstrate its importance or impact, particularly in the context of education.

Coherence & Cohesion

Work on your conclusion to ensure it summarily addresses the topic and reiterates your stance. A strong conclusion reinforces your argument and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.

Task Achievement

Be mindful of the essay prompt. The question focuses on the comparison of music, art, and drama's importance to other school subjects at the primary level. Tailor your response to directly address this comparison.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

254 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Topic Vocabulary:

holistic development
fostering
emotional intelligence
problem-solving skills
cultural awareness
curriculum
engaging
memorable
nurture
talents
core subjects
academic
professional success

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Some say that music, art, and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that tourism promotes the economy while other argue that tourism destroy the environmental. Discuss both views.

In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future?

As the result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having negative effect on their health

In some countries more and more people are becoming interested in finding out bout the history of the house or building they live in.

Some people today prefer to get advice for medical problems and do not want to visit a doctor. Why is this? Is it a positive change or negative?