The company you work has decided to close the cafeteria as the staff is not using it much. You are not happy with the decision. Write a letter to the director. -give reason of low usage. -how will it affect the staff. -suggest ways to improve it.
Dear Mr Johnson,
The main reason why I am writing to you is that in order to complain about a significant problem. Which is your
decided
to close my cafeteria.
I regret to inform you that these days I work as a Replace the word
decision
sales person
in an office. I heard about your Correct your spelling
salesperson
determine
two days ago. One of your employees. You know as the staff is not using it much. BecauseReplace the word
determination
,
the Remove the comma
apply
food
of cost is vey
high. What is more our cook Correct your spelling
very
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
these
Change the determiner
this food
food
. Unfresh vegetables. You know these
Change the determiner
this food
food
unhealthy your
staff. They do not eat cafeteria.
It would be Change preposition
for your
grate
feel. The Correct word choice
a great
food
of charge
inexpensive. I think your employees are using it Add a verb
charge is
charge was
much
. It would be Rephrase
a lot
benefit
. If cook make fresh Correct article usage
a benefit
food
with vegetables. I suppose fresh food
healthy for your staff.
I hope you can consider to
Change preposition
apply
this
idea and to
fix Fix the infinitive
apply
this
issue. As soon as, as possible. I look forward to prompt
reply.
Yours sincerely,
Khusan EsomurodovCorrect pronoun usage
your prompt
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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure all parts of the task are addressed. Specifically, elaborate more on the reasons for low usage, how closing the cafeteria will affect staff, and provide clearer, more detailed suggestions for improvement.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your ideas more logically. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea, and use connectors to smoothly transition between ideas.
Writing Tone
Use a more formal tone appropriate for writing to a director. Avoid colloquial expressions and ensure grammatical accuracy to enhance the professionalism of your letter.
Structure & Tone
Revisit the structure of a formal letter. Include a proper opening and closing. Also, ensure that you directly address the director respectfully and clearly state the purpose of your letter in the opening paragraph.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite