Some people spend a lot of money attenting cultural or sports events. Is it a good or a bad thing? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.
Cultural and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
events
are so significant for almost all individuals. Therefore
, a lot
of citizens spend much money attending these events
. In my opinion, this
situation has a lot
of benefits for people
. This
essay will explain those below.
Firstly
, every individiuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
want
to improve themselves. Thanks to cultural and Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
sport
Change the noun form
sports
events
, humans
learn new things such
as new terms for history or sports. These things are so important for the lives of humans
because people
need a lot
of information for daily life. For instance
, If pupils who have to attend history classes attending
those Wrong verb form
attend
events
, improve themselves and learn new historical terms. Owing to these data, these students have advantages for their exam
and lives.
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
Secondly
, nowadays, citizens have experienced a lot
of stresssful
Correct your spelling
stressful
situation
. Thanks to these Fix the agreement mistake
situations
events
, people
have chance
in order to Add an article
a chance
spend
Verb problem
have
enjoyable
time. Correct article usage
an enjoyable
Moreover
, many researches show, people
who go to Correct word choice
that people
sport
matches regularly can protect Change the noun form
sports
mental
health than others. Correct pronoun usage
their mental
For example
, when I was child
, I did not use to go soccer matches and I felt blue. Correct article usage
a child
On the other hand
, recent
times, I have going Change preposition
in recent
these
matches and I feel over the moon. In my opinion, owing to Change preposition
to these
this
habit, every people
might feel relaxed
than others
In conclusion, cultural and Correct quantifier usage
more relaxed
sport
Change the noun form
sports
events
are so important for almost all humans
. Thus
, people
spend a lot
of money for attending
these Change preposition
to attend
events
. I support with
these Change preposition
apply
people
ideas as thanks to Change noun form
people's
attent
those Correct your spelling
attend
events
, humans
feel well and improve themselves everytime
.Replace the word
every time
Submitted by izzetmiski17 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear, logical structure. This includes having a distinct introduction, development paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use paragraphing effectively to separate different ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are important to frame your essay. Your introduction should clearly present the essay topic and your stance. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion. Yours are present but could be more distinct.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed, relevant examples. While you have provided examples, they could be more specific and detailed to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. You provided a clear opinion and supported it with reasons; however, adding more detailed examples and elaborating on points would improve this.
task achievement
Use a range of vocabulary and structures to express ideas clearly. While you have demonstrated this, there were instances of repetition and some grammatical errors. Proofreading and using varied vocabulary could improve clarity and coherence.
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