Some people spend a lot of money attenting cultural or sports events. Is it a good or a bad thing? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

Cultural and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
events
are so significant for almost all individuals.
Therefore
, a
lot
of citizens spend much money attending these
events
. In my opinion,
this
situation has a
lot
of benefits for
people
.
This
essay will explain those below.
Firstly
, every
individiuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
to improve themselves. Thanks to cultural and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
events
,
humans
learn new things
such
as new terms for history or sports. These things are so important for the lives of
humans
because
people
need a
lot
of information for daily life.
For instance
, If pupils who have to attend history classes
attending
Wrong verb form
attend
show examples
those
events
, improve themselves and learn new historical terms. Owing to these data, these students have advantages for their
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
show examples
and lives.
Secondly
, nowadays, citizens have experienced a
lot
of
stresssful
Correct your spelling
stressful
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. Thanks to these
events
,
people
have
chance
Add an article
a chance
show examples
in order to
spend
Verb problem
have
show examples
enjoyable
Correct article usage
an enjoyable
show examples
time.
Moreover
, many researches show,
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
who go to
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
matches regularly can protect
mental
Correct pronoun usage
their mental
show examples
health than others.
For example
, when I was
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
, I did not use to go soccer matches and I felt blue.
On the other hand
,
recent
Change preposition
in recent
show examples
times, I have going
these
Change preposition
to these
show examples
matches and I feel over the moon. In my opinion, owing to
this
habit, every
people
might feel
relaxed
Correct quantifier usage
more relaxed
show examples
than others In conclusion, cultural and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
events
are so important for almost all
humans
.
Thus
,
people
spend a
lot
of money
for attending
Change preposition
to attend
show examples
these
events
. I support
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
ideas as thanks to
attent
Correct your spelling
attend
those
events
,
humans
feel well and improve themselves
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
.
Submitted by izzetmiski17 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear, logical structure. This includes having a distinct introduction, development paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use paragraphing effectively to separate different ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are important to frame your essay. Your introduction should clearly present the essay topic and your stance. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion. Yours are present but could be more distinct.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed, relevant examples. While you have provided examples, they could be more specific and detailed to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. You provided a clear opinion and supported it with reasons; however, adding more detailed examples and elaborating on points would improve this.
task achievement
Use a range of vocabulary and structures to express ideas clearly. While you have demonstrated this, there were instances of repetition and some grammatical errors. Proofreading and using varied vocabulary could improve clarity and coherence.
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