IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
music
Use synonyms
 is a good method to bring
people
Use synonyms
 from various cultural backgrounds or ages together.From my perspective,I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view for the following reasons. First of all,
music
Use synonyms
 can make
people
Use synonyms
 resonate with each other.The reason is that
music
Use synonyms
 has the power
of arousing
Change preposition
to arouse
show examples
 the feelings of its audiences.
For instance
Linking Words
,when a musician is playing a therapy melody,it will provide a relaxation way of reducing the stress and anxiety of the listeners.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,a fierce melody might bring tensity,nervousness or even anger to the audience.In
this
Linking Words
 way,
music
Use synonyms
 can have a positive impact on the improvement of the cohesion of the whole group since they have conducted a similar emotion.
As a result
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 can help strengthen residents' bond from a mental angle.
Moreover
Linking Words
,for
people
Use synonyms
 from different regions and countries,their understandings of the world can be significantly different
due to
Linking Words
 cultural differences,
thus
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
 can be a perfect medium since it can be easily accepted.
This
Linking Words
 is because there are few limitations for citizens to listen to the
music
Use synonyms
,no matter their nations,cultures,ages, educational backgrounds,social status and so on.
For example
Linking Words
,a street
music
Use synonyms
 performance could be watched by all the strangers of all works of lives,it can eliminate the gap between
people
Use synonyms
 from various groups.In
this
Linking Words
 case,
music
Use synonyms
 can help diminish the differences of social groups,not mention to different countries and ages. Certainly,there might be some arguments that
music
Use synonyms
 from other countries should not be widely popular
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural erosion,many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that we need to resist the diffusion of foreign
music
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 their culture.Having said
this
Linking Words
,I am still convinced that we need to accept and welcome cultural differences,it will not only promote the improvement of our own
music
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 strengthen our cultural identity. In conclusion,I agree with the opinion that
music
Use synonyms
 can bring
people
Use synonyms
 together because it can help
people
Use synonyms
 resonate with each other and there are no barriers for everyone to understand it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Structure your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct idea or argument. This helps the reader follow your thoughts more easily.
Coherence and Cohesion
Always include an introduction and a conclusion. Your introduction should outline your main points or argument, while your conclusion should summarize these points and reiterate your stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each of your main points is supported by specific examples or reasons. This strengthens your argument and makes it more convincing to the reader.
Task Achievement
Clearly address the task by stating your opinion in the introduction, and by directly responding to the question asked throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively by elaborating on your examples and explaining how they support your argument. This will make your essay more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to express your ideas. This enhances the readability of your essay and demonstrates a higher level of English proficiency.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: