Many young people today know more about international pop or movie stars than about famous people in the history of their own country. Why is this? What can be done to increase young people’s interest in famous people in the history of their country?
These days, A lot of youth know about international celebrities,and they don’t tend to be interested in historical
people
in their nation. This
essay eill
focus on the causes and Correct your spelling
will
solution
to Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
this social problems
about young Change the determiner
this social problem
these social problems
people
.
Firstly
, there are few opprotunities
to learn about Correct your spelling
opportunities
history
of their Add an article
the history
counties
. Of Correct your spelling
countries
cource
, they study at school, but Correct your spelling
course
that is
only for pass
exams, not having any interests. Replace the word
passing
In contrast
, they can see many famouse
pop Correct your spelling
famous
sters
or actors on SNS, YouTube, and so on. Some TV programs about Correct your spelling
stars
history
have been broadcasted, but recently youg
Correct your spelling
young
people
don’t watch TV. As a result
, history
is not Correct article usage
an initimate
initimate
thing for Correct your spelling
intimate
youg
Correct your spelling
young
people
anymore.
One solution would be making anime or manga
about historic heroes. Anime and manga
are really popular contents
lately. A good example is a Japanese Fix the agreement mistake
content
manga
called “Gintama”. Mixed fantacy
and real historical Correct your spelling
fantasy
contets
in Correct your spelling
contexts
contents
this
manga
, it was easy and fun for children, and then
, it went very popular among them. In addition
, many people
wanted to know about the true history
in
the era after reading the Change preposition
of
manga
, and historic
books written about the period were sold a lot at that time.
In conclusion, it is important to make Correct word choice
historical
contents
which is easy to understand and fun for youth. If they are not exactly correct things, it will become the first step for them.
I hope more historic mangas or animes are Fix the agreement mistake
content
producted
, and Correct your spelling
produced
then
, young people
are curious about their own countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
history
and learn about it more.Submitted by mayu1022.p on
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Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the upcoming discussion points to immediately engage the reader and set expectations. The essay attempted this, though it could be made more straightforward and impactful.
Task Achievement
To improve clarity and comprehensiveness, aim for a cleaner argument structure. Start paragraphs with a clear topic sentence, followed by explanations, examples, and finally a brief conclusion or transition sentence. This would greatly enhance the readability and argument flow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a broader range of sentence structures and transitions to enhance the richness and fluidity of your writing. This will not only make your essay more engaging but will also demonstrate your language proficiency.
Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on the precision of language use. Choose words and phrases that precisely convey your ideas and avoid vague language. Editing for grammatical accuracy and appropriate word choice can have a positive impact on the coherence of your essay.
Task Achievement
Provide specific examples that are directly related to the arguments you are making. While the example of "Gintama" was good, adding more examples or details would make your argument more convincing and relevant.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
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Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example