IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #outweigh
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In
this
 day and
age
, the lifespan of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 is rising.
This
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to the happiness of
people
.
This
 writer argues that the
drawback
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drawbacks
show examples
 of the meaningless life of old
people
 and
burden
Correct article usage
the burden
show examples
 for their children far outweigh the pros outlined above One of the core
disavantage
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
disadvantages
 of having a long lifespan is that the old
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 no ambition
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their
age
.In
further
details
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detail
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,in the past, individuals are more likely to follow their passion in order to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 goals.
However
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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bad physical health
at
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apply
show examples
an
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 old
age
prevent
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prevents
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people
 from broadening
horizons
Correct pronoun usage
their horizons
show examples
.
Therefore
, old
people
 have no ability to experience new things which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a meaningless in their entire life.Take China as a prime example,where 40%
old
Change preposition
of old
show examples
people
 said that they cannot work and enjoy life compared to their young Another predominant demerit of
this
 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the responsibility of young
people
 to take care of their parents.To be specific,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
age
, the old cannot work anymore.
Moreover
, they would have some
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 which cost lots of money.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. Ensure you have a distinct introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This will help to organize your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are crucial parts of an essay. The introduction should state the essay's viewpoint clearly, and the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion. Both were missing or underdeveloped in your essay.
task achievement
Support your main points with detailed examples. While you provided some examples, more specific or personal examples could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Fully address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased life expectancy. Your essay predominantly focuses on the disadvantages, which gives an unbalanced view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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