Tourists damage many historical places, making them harder to preserve. What are some of the reasons for this? Suggest some ways to resolve this problem.

It is true that the
damage
to historical
places
by tourists has become a critical issue in contemporary society.
While
this
is a serious problem, it can be solved by informing tourists more about how severe their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
can be. The main cause of the rising
damage
issue on historical
heritages
is that there are major misconceptions about the devastation of
heritages
.
In particular
,
such
as SNS,
other
Correct word choice
and other
show examples
video content platforms exposing stupid challenges to
people
, showing harming historical
buildings
for fun. Making matters worse is that
people
lack recognition of the value of
heritages
that governments have reserved by spending amount of money.
For instance
, young
people
who are following the content makers mimic as they have seen the stupid content.
Also
, they
damage
their heritage without hesitating because they do not recognize how valuable their
heritages
Fix the agreement mistake
heritage
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
.
However
, there are solutions to
this
problem. One of the ways to prevent
damage
by tourism is to show them the true extent of the value of historical
places
. Some heritage preservation campaigns could describe how much
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
inserted
Add a missing verb
is inserted
show examples
into the preservation of old
buildings
to keep
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
value for the next generations.
In addition
, the message that tourists'
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
crush
Wrong verb form
crushing
show examples
their old histories must be prohibited can be promoted
further
if more influential
people
speak up about it.
For example
, a popular football player
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
took a sports advertisement in Rome that initiated
people
to copy his shooting ball to the old building's wall. Afterwards, he apologized for his actions which encouraged
people
to mimic and
damage
historical
buildings
, and joined a national heritage preservation group to protect
buildings
in Rome. In the end, tourism damaging historical
places
has sharply reduced.
To sum up
,
it is clear that
a mistaken belief about
heritages
is a big reason behind the increasing tourist troubles in historical
places
.
Nevertheless
, the issue can be resolved by showing how those
places
and
buildings
are priceless.
Submitted by lss870311 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To enhance your Task Achievement score, ensure your response precisely addresses all parts of the task. Though your essay targets the prompt well, including more varied and detailed examples could make your argument stronger and more persuasive. Additionally, strive for a balanced discussion between causes and solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, maintain a clear logical structure throughout your essay. You have done well in segmenting your essay appropriately and linking your ideas. However, to improve further, focus on smoother transitions between paragraphs and clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: