IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think it is important for children to take lessons outside classroom, for example by visiting places such as local companies or public buildings. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #lessons #classroom #places #companies #buildings
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many individuals believe in providing outside learning by visiting
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
commercial establishments and public buildings. I totally agree with
this
 because it exposed
students
 to a great deal of
knowledge
.
This
 essay will discuss how practical
knowledge
 outweighs mere class learning.
To begin
 with, classrooms are essential for grasping theoretical
knowledge
, which can sometimes be hard to remember. It is believed that visual information stays in a human being's brain longer than textual
knowledge
.
For example
,
students
 visiting museums, historical places, and monuments can explain historical events more efficiently than
students
 who have not visited
such
 places.
Secondly
, trips to local companies would help to explore their career paths. Children get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to meet professionals and see them in
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
would
Correct pronoun usage
that would
show examples
 inspire and help
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 make informed decisions about their career paths.
For example
,
students
 who are fascinated by robotics would visit the company and get
in sights
Correct your spelling
insights
show examples
 of prototypes made by that company.
Furthermore
, it helps foster communication skills and personality development
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and provides opportunities for
students
 to pursue internships during their summer break. By visiting multinational companies,
students
 become more confident in communicating with peers, which in turn prepares them to face these peers confidently during recruitment interviews.
Consequently
, internships can offer them insight into practical
knowledge
. Summing up, these educational trips are of paramount importance on the grounds that most
students
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefit from them.
Therefore
, school administrations should organize trips and encourage
students
 to participate in these iterative visits to gain practical
knowledge
.
Submitted by ayeshaf1339 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear position with logically structured paragraphs. To enhance coherence and cohesion, strive to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly between and within paragraphs.
task achievement
While the essay adequately addresses the task, providing clear arguments supported by examples, there's room for improvement in task completion. Make sure to directly address the question in both the introduction and conclusion. Furthermore, integrating a wider variety of specific examples and deeper analysis could strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: