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Band 5

In many countries, people decide to have children at a later age than in the past. Why? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #children #age #development
In recent years,
people
 tend to bear a baby later than in the past in several nations.
While
 late childbearing may bring about some benefits, I believe
this
 trend would do more harm than good. On the one hand, when the women have children later, they will have a lot of time to concentrate their efforts on work.
Therefore
, it will be
more easy
Replace the words
easier
show examples
 for them to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their work.
By contrast
, if young
people
 have a baby soon, they will spend a huge part of their time
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 family and children.
For example
, if a couple decides to have a child when they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a stable job and income, it will make
them
Correct pronoun usage
it them
show examples
easy
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to outstanding other
people
thank
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to invest time
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
career
Correct pronoun usage
their career
show examples
 soon.
Besides
, late childbearing will help them have enough necessary conditions to take care of each other and their child.
On the other hand
, deciding to have children at a later age gets
people
 into
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
. To be more detailed, the later
people
 have a child, the more difficult
people
 bear.
According to
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
researches
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women tend to get pregnant
difficultly
Replace the word
difficulty
show examples
 when they are over 30 years old and bear
difficultly
Replace the word
difficulty
show examples
 when they are over 40 years old, and
this
also
 has a detrimental impact on their health. To the best of my knowledge, the women should be soon childbearing,
this
 will be good to protect
Correct article usage
the safely
show examples
safely
Replace the word
safety
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both of mom and baby. In conclusion, the drawbacks of late childbearing outweigh its benefits.
Therefore
, the sooner childbearing, the better they are.
Submitted by weezel on

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Task Achievement
To improve in Task Achievement, ensure your essay fully responds to all parts of the task. You brought up both sides of the argument, which is good. However, the discussion of advantages and disadvantages could be more balanced. Try to expand on how exactly the trend could be more harmful, with more detailed examples and a clearer exploration of the impacts.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on improving the organization and flow of your essay. While you have a logical structure, some paragraphs could be developed further to ensure smoother transitions between ideas. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
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