In many countries, people decide to have children at a later age than in the past. Why? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In recent years,
people
tend to bear a baby later than in the past in several nations. While
late childbearing may bring about some benefits, I believe this
trend would do more harm than good.
On the one hand, when the women have children later, they will have a lot of time to concentrate their efforts on work. Therefore
, it will be more easy
for them to Replace the words
easier
success
Replace the word
succeed
on
their work. Change preposition
in
By contrast
, if young people
have a baby soon, they will spend a huge part of their time for
family and children. Change preposition
with
For example
, if a couple decides to have a child when they had
a stable job and income, it will make Wrong verb form
have
them
Correct pronoun usage
it them
easy
to outstanding other Correct word choice
apply
people
thank
to invest time Verb problem
apply
for
Change preposition
in
career
soon. Correct pronoun usage
their career
Besides
, late childbearing will help them have enough necessary conditions to take care of each other and their child.
On the other hand
, deciding to have children at a later age gets people
into troubles
. To be more detailed, the later Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
people
have a child, the more difficult people
bear. According to
science
Replace the word
scientific
researchs
, Correct your spelling
research
researches
the
women tend to get pregnant Correct article usage
apply
difficultly
when they are over 30 years old and bear Replace the word
difficulty
difficultly
when they are over 40 years old, and Replace the word
difficulty
this
also
has a detrimental impact on their health. To the best of my knowledge, the women should be soon childbearing, this
will be good to protect Correct article usage
the safely
safely
Replace the word
safety
for
both of mom and baby.
In conclusion, the drawbacks of late childbearing outweigh its benefits. Change preposition
apply
Therefore
, the sooner childbearing, the better they are.Submitted by weezel on
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Task Achievement
To improve in Task Achievement, ensure your essay fully responds to all parts of the task. You brought up both sides of the argument, which is good. However, the discussion of advantages and disadvantages could be more balanced. Try to expand on how exactly the trend could be more harmful, with more detailed examples and a clearer exploration of the impacts.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on improving the organization and flow of your essay. While you have a logical structure, some paragraphs could be developed further to ensure smoother transitions between ideas. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
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