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Band 6.5

the charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given bar charts illustrate the data about the destination of
UK
Use synonyms
 postgraduates and graduates (excluding full-time
work
Use synonyms
)in different four categories in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest number of
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 in the
UK
Use synonyms
 were left for
further
Linking Words
 study in 2008. From the first bar graph, we see that 17,735 thousand
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 are abandoned for part-time
work
Use synonyms
.
whereas
Linking Words
, only 2,535 thousand postgraduate pupils are left for part-time jobs.For voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 3,500
graduate
Use synonyms
 teenagers were gone in 2008 as well and 345 postgraduate admissions were
also
Linking Words
 gone. From the second bar chart, we observed that the maximum number of postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 departed for only
further
Linking Words
 study in the
UK
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 just 1,625 postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 remain in the unemployment category.
Also
Linking Words
, for the unemployment category 16,235
graduate
Use synonyms
 teenagers remain in the year of 2008.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the biggest number of
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 are left for part-time
work
Use synonyms
, voluntary
work
Use synonyms
, and
further
Linking Words
 study in the
UK
Use synonyms
 throughout the period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, further".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, work, graduate, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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