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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think it is more important to spend public money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams
In our fast-paced society, the
allowcation
Correct your spelling
allocation
 of capital to
transport
 systems has become a debate topic. It is
agrues
Correct your spelling
argues
argued
 that, using money for public
roads
 and motorways is necessary
instead
 of spending for subways.
However
, I believe that both
roads
 and public transportation have important roles in society and should be given equal investment. On a hand, spending on
roads
 could help improve some conditions that
related
Add a missing verb
are related
show examples
 to accidents. Details, there was huge a volume of accidents caused
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 low-quality ways.
For instance
, it usually occurs on
roads
 which lack visible ability, so it
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 difficult to make decisions to avoid potholes or
barries
Correct your spelling
barriers
show examples
.
Furthermore
, improving
roads
also
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 reduce time
that is
 crowded in peak hours. There are a number of methods to use capital like spread area of highways which help increase the volume of
transport
 density in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 exact amount of time. In sum,
roads
 and highways are the categories
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be improved to grow higher quality and improve negative situations.
On the other hand
, I believe some public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 like trams
also
 receives
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 from society because its advantages
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a huge
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
. In fact, improving public
transport
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 pollution,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means citizens use these transports to help decrease a large volume of
cacbondioxe
Correct your spelling
carbon dioxide
 from private vehicles.
Moveover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, citizens who
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 own any private transportation can be a reliable method to move on a daily basis. In conclusion,
although
 there is an argument that spending money on
roads
 outweighs public
transport
, I firmly believe that with many advantages improvements will desire to receive
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
.
Submitted by hoaan2409 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure the response fully addresses all parts of the task. The essay presents a balanced view but could develop arguments further for both sides to enhance task achievement.
Task Achievement
Present ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Although the essay touches upon several valid points, the arguments sometimes lack depth and clarity. Incorporating more detailed examples and explanations will make the ideas more comprehensive.
Task Achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support your points. The essay mentions examples, but they are quite general. Adding more detailed and specific examples will strengthen the arguments and make your points more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. While there is an attempt at structure, some paragraphs can be better organized to enhance coherence. Using clear topic sentences and more cohesive devices will help.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively introduce and summarize the main points of the essay. Improving the clarity and impact of these sections will benefit the overall coherence and appeal of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop and support main points throughout the essay. Some arguments are only briefly mentioned without much support. Expanding on these points with more information and examples will make the essay more cohesive and persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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