IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

2/ Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#students #gap #year #school #university #work #travel #outweigh
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Traditionally, high
school
 seniors will either pursue college or enter the workforce after graduation.
However
, these days, a third option -
gap
year
, where
students
 defer university enrollment to travel or work – is gaining traction.
While
 there are admittedly several benefits to
students
, I believe that the negative influences of
this
 practice are more glaring. On the one hand, delaying tertiary education for one
year
 is advantageous to a certain extent.
First,
a
gap
year
 affords new graduates time to travel and immerse themselves in alien cultures, which helps them enrich their life
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 and hone practical skills.
For example
, when living abroad,
students
 will have to adapt quickly to their independent lives and pick up new languages.
Second,
given that most high schools provide inadequate career guidance, spending several months looking for job opportunities or attending vocational training courses will empower
students
 to identify a suitable career path.
Such
 experiences would be hardly attainable if high
school
 graduate immediately enrol in university and become occupied with their intense study schedules.
On the other hand
, I am convinced that the aforementioned advantages pale in comparison with the significant disadvantages of having a
year
-long break prior to embarking on higher education. A major drawback is that
gap
-
year
 takers may fall behind in their studies
as well as
 face peer pressure, which could possibly drain their self-confidence.
In addition
 to
this
, high
school
 seniors can lose momentum, finding it hard to resume their education after a long time being away from formal schooling.
Last
 but not least, young people who decide to work
instead
 of going to college right away are unlikely to save up a lot of money or cultivate relevant job skills during their
gap
year
, which can be attributed to the fact that jobs available to high
school
 leaver are mainly entry-level ones that neither get
rurmination
Correct your spelling
rumination
 well nor teach them anything substantive. In conclusion,
while
 taking a
gap
year
 is not without certain beneficiaries, I would contend that the given disadvantages do not make it a worthwhile path.
Submitted by hoangthoakinhte on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure your essay includes a clear introduction that outlines your main argument, along with a coherent conclusion that summarizes your viewpoints and restates your position on the topic. Your essay lacks a powerful conclusion that clearly restates your stance.
Logical Structure
Structuring your essay with clear, logical paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea can greatly improve readability and cohesion. Consider using transition words and phrases to link ideas within and across paragraphs more effectively.
Complete Response
To better address the task, ensure that your essay thoroughly explores both sides of the argument concerning gap years, including a more balanced range of advantages and disadvantages. This will provide a more complete response to the prompt.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Be more explicit in how you develop and present your ideas. Clarity can be enhanced by directly linking evidence and examples back to your main arguments, making your stance and reasoning more comprehensible.
Relevant and Specific Examples
Incorporate more specific, real-life examples to support your arguments. This makes your essay more compelling and provides tangible evidence for your claims, helping the reader to understand and be persuaded by your viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: