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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that all universities students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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A number of
people
Use synonyms
 advocate that scholars should be given freedom in choosing subjects of their interest.
However
Linking Words
, others claim in opposite stating that only STEM
courses
Use synonyms
 should be introduced in higher
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
show examples
 as these topics
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 in
broadning
Correct your spelling
broadening
 their career opportunities. From my perspective, both statements are right in their own way and they should be considered separately before making any conclusion. In the first place, if pupils
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 given the right to choose their interests it will not only help them
increasing
Change the form of the verb
increase
show examples
 their cognitive development but
also
Linking Words
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
 them inner satisfaction. They can concentrate more on their interested
fields
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
; in 2022 there are near about 300 youngsters in Punjab, India became lawyers, even
who
Correct determiner usage
those who
show examples
belongs
Correct subject-verb agreement
belong
show examples
 to poor
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 backgrounds just by their dedication and hard work for specific
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they put all their efforts
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 clearing exams; which resulted in making their hard work fruitful.
Moreover
Linking Words
, studying diverse
fields
Use synonyms
foster
Correct subject-verb agreement
fosters
show examples
 learners to increase their critical thinking, creativity and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 skills
along with
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 decreasing
pressure
Correct article usage
the pressure
show examples
 of job opportunities in major
fields
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 only. It will not
easy
Add a missing verb
be easy
show examples
 for young
people
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 to be
self employed
Add a hyphen
self-employed
show examples
 but
also
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 safe for
official
Fix the agreement mistake
officials
show examples
 to
arise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 employment chances.
However
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 argue about focusing on
courses
Use synonyms
 related to science and IT. Supporters of
this
Linking Words
 view, opine that there are more placement chances after getting education in
such
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 spheres. They can demonstrate their skills better in
such
Linking Words
fields
Use synonyms
 because of the demanding and changing nature of
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 epoch.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, jobs related to Information Technology are
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
show examples
 jobs and one can
also
Linking Words
 work
remotly
Correct your spelling
remotely
 in other countries
also
Linking Words
 without travelling. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
, at the time of covid;
while
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, other employment opportunities were closed, the
people
Use synonyms
 who were working from home were able to secure their profession.
Courses
Use synonyms
 related to Science
demands
Correct subject-verb agreement
demand
show examples
 great attention
as well as
Linking Words
 interest in learning. Educators who are related to
such
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fields
Use synonyms
 can be the
life savers
Correct your spelling
lifesavers
show examples
 of a large population and bring name and fame to their country. On weighing up all the considerations it can be asserted that with the guidance of parents and tutors, youngsters should choose their
courses
Use synonyms
 because sometimes they can
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 wrong decisions by just following their inclinations.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 giving guidance to learners; parents should not impose their own
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 upon them and by mutual understanding subjects should be
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 for them.

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coherence cohesion
Consider strengthening the logical flow between your paragraphs and within them. Use a variety of linking words effectively to ensure smoother transitions.
coherence cohesion
In your introduction, try to present a clearer thesis statement that outlines your stance and the main points you intend to discuss. This helps in setting the direction for the essay.
task achievement
To improve your task achievement score, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Clearly state your opinion and consistently argue in favor of it throughout the essay, backing your views with specific examples and detailed explanations.
general
Using more varied sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary can help make your essay more engaging and express your ideas more precisely.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • fosters
  • innovation
  • personal fulfillment
  • employability
  • societal contributions
  • well-rounded education
  • critical thinking
  • adaptability
  • discourage
  • perceived
  • technology-driven
  • subjective
  • restrict
  • practical experience
  • internships
  • theoretical knowledge
What to do next:
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