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Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that develop the mind, such as reading and doing crossword puzzles. Others feel that it is important to give one's mind a rest in leisure time. Discuss

#people #leisure #time #activities #mind #crossword #puzzles #rest
These days, whether
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
show examples
leisure
time
 has sparked a heated debate.
Although
such
 an issue is contested by many, it is regarded thoroughly as both constructive and positive by a substantial number of individuals. As
such
, there are both merits and demerits to
this
 trend, but I am of the opinion that the former outdoes the latter. There are many arguments in favour of my stance, but the most conspicuous
one
 is
that
Change preposition
to
show examples
 use
leisure
time
 for activities that develop
mind
Add an article
the mind
show examples
.
One
 standout example originates from the fact that solving math or crossword puzzles to develop the
mind
 can easily cause stress.
In addition
, it is indisputable that many people are busy with work or school
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 and need more
time
 to rest because if their minds are constantly active, they will not be able to develop. Needless to say, all these upsides are beneficial to people when they relax their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. Another pivotal aspect of
this
 issue is that
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
one
mind
 a rest in
leisure
time
. The primary
one
 stems from the fact that if many people spend enough
time
 sleeping, their heads will be clearer.
Hence
, it is why many
areinn
Correct your spelling
are in
are inn
 favour of
give
Change the verb form
giving
show examples
one
's
mind
 a rest
leisure
time
. In view of the arguments outlined above,
one
 can conclude that the benefits of
leisure
time
 are too great to ignore.
Submitted by aitam.dothi on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, arguments supporting your view, counter-arguments (if any), and a conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, however, in addition) to help link ideas within and across paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Clearly present your view and discuss both sides of the argument when required.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with specific examples and details. Avoid overly general statements.
Language Proficiency
Work on grammatical range and accuracy. Properly structure your sentences and ensure correct use of tense, articles, and prepositions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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