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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that economy progress is the only way to measure a country's success, while others think that there are other factors which can be used to measure a country's success. What are these factors? Which, of all factors,do you think are most important?

#people #economy #progress #measure #country #success #factors
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It has been argued that these factors are the proper index for a
country
's
success
.
Firstly
, some people argue that only economic
growth
 is the best way to measure our society. They believe economic
growth
 can represent our society's
growth
 because the most developed countries have high economic
growth
, like America, England, and Australia. They have been thinking that we have to follow developed countries as soon as possible. It is the best way to make a
country
 better.
On the other hand
, the opposite people contend that other factors like happiness, satisfaction of life, and economic
growth
. They
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
firmly
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that we have to take into consideration not only economics but
also
 life satisfaction and happiness degrees as well. That's because we can buy a bed, a watch, and a house, but we cannot provide good
sleeping
Replace the word
sleep
show examples
, time, or stability. As for my example, I don't think that only one factor can determine our
success
.
Moreover
, it doesn't mean a
country
's
success
 is an individual's
success
, either.
Overall
, I am more likely to contend that the most significant thing in our lives is an individual's feeling of happiness. That's because the
country
 is composed of individuals.
Submitted by enoklee on

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Introduction improvement
Develop your introduction by paraphrasing the question more effectively and clearly presenting your opinion. Avoid general phrases and focus on depicting your stance on the issue from the beginning.
Logical structure improvement
Organize your essay more logically by clearly separating opinions into different paragraphs and using topic sentences that state the main idea of each paragraph.
Cohesion improvement
Enhance the coherence of your essay by employing a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, however, thereby) to better link ideas and paragraphs.
Support main points with examples
Support your main points with more detailed and specific examples. General statements should be followed by specific, real-world examples to illustrate your points more effectively.
Task response improvement
While tackling the task, ensure a balanced approach by exploring the prompt's different aspects in depth. Discuss both views mentioned in the prompt before presenting your conclusion, which summarises your point of view comprehensively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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