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Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that older employees contribute most to the success of a company. Others think that younger people play a more vital role. Discuss both views and disccuss your opinion.

#people #employees #success #company #role #disccuss
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Some argue that old workers can have
bigger
Add an article
a bigger
show examples
 contribution to the
company
's success,
while
 others argue that younger
one's
Change the noun form
ones
one
show examples
 are more important.
Although
 the proficiency in technology of young workers makes them ideal
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
, I believe that the skills of old
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 can help more in order for the
company
 to be successful. On the one hand, young employees are more proficient in technology.
This
 is especially beneficial in today's world where everything is almost digitalized. They can learn to operate the machines much quicker because they grew up with computers.
For instance
, most marketing assistants are expected to use iPads, upload photos and make regular
post
Fix the agreement mistake
posts
show examples
 on their websites.
However
,
this
 does not make them a better
employee
 than older people.
On the other hand
, people that
has
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have
show examples
 been employed for a long time are more skilled than their
counterpart
Fix the agreement mistake
counterparts
show examples
. They do not need much supervision and they are less likely to commit a mistake. Their years of experience made them expert in their fields, which can be a big contribution to the
company
's success.
For example
, taxi
driver's
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drivers
show examples
 that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been driving for years
knows
Correct subject-verb agreement
know
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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all around the city, where to park, and areas which are likely to have traffic.
Thus
, older employees are essential in order for a
company
 to succeed. In conclusion,
although
 the proficiency of young employees in
computer
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computers
show examples
 can be useful for a
company
, the expertise of
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older employees
show examples
employee
 can have a more significant impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
company
's success.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each part should play its specific role, with the introduction presenting the topic and your thesis statement, the body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint and your own opinion, and the conclusion summarizing your arguments and restating your opinion.
Content
Develop your main points with more specific examples and explanations. For both views (older and younger employees), add more detailed examples to support your statements. This will not only make your argument stronger but also help your essay to be more engaging.
Linking
Work on linking your ideas more effectively. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to show connections between your ideas, contrast different views, and lead naturally to your conclusion. This will greatly enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Task Response
To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the question. This means discussing both views thoroughly and presenting your own opinion clearly. Make sure your opinion is stated explicitly and is consistent throughout your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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