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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that older employees contribute most to the success of a company. Others think that younger people play a more vital role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #employees #success #company #role
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Some argue that old workers can
have
Verb problem
make
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 a bigger contribution to the
company
Use synonyms
's success,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that younger ones are more important.
Although
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 the proficiency in technology of young workers makes them ideal
employees
Use synonyms
, I believe that the skills of old
employees
Use synonyms
 can help more in order for the
company
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 to be successful. On the one hand, young
employees
Use synonyms
 are more proficient in technology.
This
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 is especially beneficial in today's world where everything is almost digitalized. They can learn to operate the machines much quicker because they grew up with computers.
For instance
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, most marketing assistants are expected to use iPads, upload photos and make regular posts on their websites.
However
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,
this
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 does not make them a better employee than older people.
On the other hand
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, people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have been employed for a long time are more skilled than their counterparts. They do not need much supervision and they are less likely to commit a mistake. Their years of experience made them expert in their fields, which can be a big contribution to the
company
Use synonyms
's success.
For example
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, taxi drivers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have been driving for years know all around the city, where to park, and areas which are likely to have traffic.
Thus
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, older
employees
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 are essential in order for a
company
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 to succeed. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the proficiency of young
employees
Use synonyms
 in computers can be useful for a
company
Use synonyms
, I believe that the expertise of older
employees
Use synonyms
 can have a more significant impact on the
company
Use synonyms
's success.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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task achievement
Your essay shows a good attempt at discussing both views and providing your opinion. However, clarity and depth could be enhanced by further elaborating on the reasons behind your stance and offering more detailed examples to support each view.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to build more logical transitions between paragraphs. Use phrases like "Moreover," "In contrast," or "As a result" to create a smoother flow of ideas from one section to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the essay topic and outlines your viewpoint. Similarly, reinforce your main points and summarise your opinion in the conclusion for a stronger impact.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • vital role
  • deep understanding
  • valuable assets
  • mentoring
  • wisdom
  • tech-savvy
  • innovative ideas
  • eager to learn
  • fast-paced environments
  • dynamic
  • forward-thinking
  • diverse age range
  • leverage
  • unique strengths
  • harmonious
  • effective team
  • continuous learning
  • innovation
  • stability
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