IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Recreational drugs should be legalized and there should be no punishments for people who use them. To what extent do you agree

#drugs #punishments #people
There is an opinion about making recreational
drugs
legally
Change the word
legal
show examples
 and removing the fine for the users. I definitely disagree with
this
 argument for several reasons which will be explained in
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 following essay.
To begin
 with, medicines should be used to cure
people
, not
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
solely
giving
Change the verb form
to give
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 pleasure. Scientists are
giving
Verb problem
doing
show examples
 their best to improve
humanity
Change noun form
humanity's
show examples
 life by inventing healing items. Unfortunately, there are some bad
people
 who want to disrespect their efforts by using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drugs
for creating
Change preposition
to create
show examples
 some fantasy inside their brains.
As a result
,
while
 some sick individuals are becoming healthy,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy individuals are getting sick because of consuming the
drugs
 falsely.
For example
, there were many
people
 who died because of
drug
Add an article
a drug
show examples
 overdose, mainly because of eating it
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 an attempt to achieve happiness.
Moreover
, by erasing punishments for illegal
drugs
such
 as
heroine
Correct your spelling
heroin
show examples
 and cocaine,
this
 action will increase the number of
people
 who want to try those degenerative but addictive items because they do not have anything to fear anymore.
Consequently
, there will be many victims, not only adults but
also
 youngsters.
For instance
, the strict rule of drug usage has prevented many students who are afraid to be jailed and have their future destroyed.
However
, when
this
 regulation is deleted, many young adults will try something that they have never tasted in their entire
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
such
 as
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
fantasy
drugs
.
At the end
 of the day, more teens will fall into the addiction of these dangerous medical things and harm their bright potential to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in the future.
To conclude
, I strongly dispute
this
 statement because it will reverse the holy goals of medical inventors
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
lead
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 more diseases which need to be handled and it will hurt the quality of
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generations because of more addicted students.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Achievement
To enhance the task response, be sure to thoroughly address the specific question asked in the prompt. This means providing a balanced argument if the question requires you to discuss both sides or to what extent you agree or disagree. In your essay, a more direct address of the prompt and exploration of the implications of legalizing recreational drugs would tighten your response.
Task Achievement
Clarify and develop your main ideas more explicitly. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the idea you will discuss. Follow this with supporting details and examples. Make sure each idea directly supports your overall argument or thesis in response to the essay prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve essay structure and ensure that paragraphs flow naturally from one to the next. Use a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, discourse markers) to link ideas within sentences and across paragraphs. Also, try to vary your sentence structures to enhance readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
Revise the introduction and conclusion to ensure they accurately reflect the essay’s content and stance. The introduction should clearly state your position regarding the prompt, and the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your thesis in light of the evidence presented.

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