IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries nowadays, more and more women have full-time jobs as men, so there is logic that men and women should share the housework tasks equally. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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several countries across the world, its is been observed that the number of females who
work
Use synonyms
 full
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 twice that of the males, so some are of the opinion that household chores should be divided equally among
both
Use synonyms
 genders.
This
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 essay will discuss what thoughts towards
this
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 topic
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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.
To begin
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, before modern times, women
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 known to be just
house wives
Correct your spelling
housewives
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, minding the home ,taking care of the kids and preparing meals,
as well as
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 performing their conjugal duties,
while
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 a man's duty is to protect,
Correct word choice
and provides
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provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 for his family. That ideology
have
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has
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CHANGED , as the world keeps developing. More women have become
Use synonyms
work educated
Add a hyphen
work-educated
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and now hold positions in governmental establishments same as the opposite gender making it difficult to
both
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 go to
work
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 and
coming
Wrong verb form
come
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home to
fully
Add a missing verb
be fully
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 involved in family affairs. So
therefore
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 , the men helping out will reduce stress on their wives,
division
Correct word choice
and division
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 of labour means more quality family time, it
also
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 encourages that children will have the attention of
both
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 parents.
For example
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, a child whose mother and father
pays
Correct subject-verb agreement
pay
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more attention to
,
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apply
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 is better behaved and happy than those who lack parental attention making them feel unloved.
Also
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, division allows them to
work
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as well as
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 add to the finances of homes making it possible to meet up with their expenditures. Sharing chores will
also
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 reduce stress on
both
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 parties involved, and they will be better able to improve their relationships without feeling neglected.
For instance
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, a husband and wife who have the free time to communicate even though
both
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 are busy but help each other out
,
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apply
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 will be able to resolve immediately and find ways to drawer close that way reducing the distraction
that's comes
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that comes
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with talking with someone other than their spouse, avoid extra- Marital affairs when
such
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 arises. In conclusion , many are of the
thoughts
Fix the agreement mistake
thought
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 that a woman should stick to what women
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 known for in earlier eras, the world is changing and so are humans, I agree that there should be
division
Add an article
a division
the division
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 of labour in the family, as that will improve communication, ensure additional income,
as well as
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 ease stress on one individual.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Clarify and refine your introduction. Present a clearer stance and outline the structure of your essay. This provides a roadmap for your readers.
Logical Structure
Work on paragraph structuring. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that signals the content of the paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a closing sentence.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, transition phrases can play a key role. Using phrases such as 'On the other hand', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion' can guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Supported Main Points
Ensure each paragraph presents a clear main idea. Expand on this idea with examples or explanations to strengthen your argument.
Complete Response
Address the task directly. Be sure to fully respond to the question asked, making your position clear from the beginning and maintaining it throughout the essay.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
To elaborate on your ideas, use specific, relevant examples. These can be from personal experience, hypothetical situations, or general observations. They add credibility to your argument.
General Advice
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical mistakes and improve sentence structure. Consistent practice and feedback can greatly enhance grammar and vocabulary.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • evolutionary shift
  • workforce participation
  • shared responsibilities
  • partnership model
  • connected relationships
  • domestic sphere
  • gender equality
  • role models
  • practical challenges
  • technological advancements
  • societal norms
  • distribution of chores
  • physical ability
  • personal preferences
  • alleviate the burden
  • dynamics
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