IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

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The
government
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 should pay for the
care
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 of old
people
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 in nursing homes. Older
people
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 require assistance in multiple areas of life.
Government
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 paying for them will not only allow less burden on the family but would be a way to return the taxes and the
services
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 these
people
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 have once provided for the
country
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I believe that access to nursing and other basic amenities is a fundamental right of all individuals. Access to quality health
services
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 and support
services
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 should be provided to everyone despite the differences or availability of financial means. By providing enough basic
care
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, the
government
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 can free the families of these older
people
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 from additional emotional
as well as
Linking Words
 financial burdens they might face. Placing the burden of financing long-term
care
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 solely on families could exacerbate socioeconomic disparities and result in unequal access to essential
services
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 based on financial status.
Secondly
Linking Words
, elder
people
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 are a treasure of any
country
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. They have given the
country
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 their youth and valuable
services
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, and in return for
this
Linking Words
, the
government
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 should be taking
care
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 of them.
For example
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, a soldier who has spent his whole life fighting and safeguarding his
country
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 deserves to be respected and taken
care
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 of.
This
Linking Words
 will not only be a way to pay
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 to set an example and show other young members that their
country
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 and
government
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 would be there for them as they are
their
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 for the
country
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, I strongly believe that
Correct article usage
the Britian
show examples
Britian
Correct your spelling
British
government
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 should pay the costs of
services
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 provided to old
people
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 in old homes.
This
Linking Words
 will not only allow the families to be released of additional emotional and financial burdens, but it can be a way for
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to pay back for
services
Use synonyms
 these old
people
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 once provided them with.

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the task. In this case, discussing the perspective of families paying for care could add depth to your argument. Aim to offer a more balanced view or explicitly refute the opposing view with clear reasons and examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance Coherence & Cohesion by logically organizing your ideas into well-structured paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by explanations and examples. To further assist the reader, employ linking words effectively to show the relationship between ideas.
Task Achievement
Incorporate specific examples to support your main points better. Examples add credibility to your arguments and make your essay more persuasive. These could be real-life cases, hypothetical scenarios, or referenced studies. Ensure that examples are directly related to the topic and clearly illustrate your point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • Elderly care
  • Nursing homes
  • Social welfare
  • Intergenerational responsibility
  • Caregiving
  • Financial burden
  • Quality of life
  • Pension funds
  • Healthcare policy
  • Taxation
  • Subsidies
  • Private insurance
  • Long-term care
  • Sustainability
What to do next:
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