In many countries nowadays, more and more women have full-time jobs as men, so there is logic that men and women should share the housework tasks equally. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In numerous countries worldwide
in
Change preposition
apply
this
days, Correct determiner usage
these
large
Add an article
a large
group
of females Fix the agreement mistake
groups
are having
full-time Wrong verb form
have
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
works
as males. It is logical, Wrong verb form
working
then
, that both must develop different household tasks
in a
equal way. I agree with Change the article
an
this
statment
and in Correct your spelling
statement
this
essay
I will explain why.
Add a comma
essay,
Firstly
, society have
Change the verb form
has
improve
regards to Change the verb form
improved
women
's rights. Particularly, in the last
few years, many countries all around the world have develop
new Change the verb form
developed
politics
which Correct your spelling
policies
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
women
to gain same
rights as men. Correct article usage
the same
Additionally
, women
have been progressing in their profession which have
Change the verb form
has
lead
them to take full-time jobs in order to Wrong verb form
led
built
their Change the verb
build
carrears
. Correct your spelling
careers
As a result
, females have
not too much time for doing Add a missing verb
do have
tasks
at home without help. For instance
, a resent
Correct your spelling
recent
reaserch
taken by Oxford University has shown that during 2023 in Europe Correct your spelling
research
females
Fix the agreement mistake
female
CEO's
Fix the agreement mistake
CEOs'
poisitions
have increased Correct your spelling
positions
position
at
Change preposition
by
a
60% Correct article usage
apply
compare
to 2022. Wrong verb form
compared
This
mean
that Change the verb form
means
women
are getting more occupied building their professional life
than spending time developing housework Fix the agreement mistake
lives
taks
.
Correct your spelling
tasks
takes
Secondly
, sharing household tasks
help
to create a powerful relationship between partners. Specifically, Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
women
feel supported by men on
developing the different Change preposition
in
tasks
of the house and having
the feeling that they are creating a good family environment based on teamwork, which Wrong verb form
have
lead
to a stronger and more connected relationship. Change the verb form
leads
For example
, an article published by BBC News Asutralia in March 2023 has demontrated
that 80% of Correct your spelling
demonstrated
women
are more happy and feel fullfield
because men Correct your spelling
fulfilled
full-field
helps
them to get a balance between work and personal life.
Change the verb form
help
To conclude
, as per
Change preposition
apply
women
have gained more participation in their works
, is valuable to Fix the agreement mistake
work
shared
Wrong verb form
share
responsabilities
at home and feel supported to still focus on their professional Correct your spelling
responsibilities
carrears
.Correct your spelling
careers
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a clear main idea. Your essay introduces several topics, but some are more developed than others. Focus on explaining and elaborating on a single main point per paragraph.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to better connect your ideas and provide signposts for your reader. Examples include 'Furthermore,' 'In contrast,' and 'As a result.' Your essay currently has some, but increased use can improve flow and understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are both distinct and clear. Your introduction should outline the topic and your stance, while your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position. Both should be immediately identifiable and separate from the main body paragraphs.
Task Response
Address the prompt fully by ensuring your essay clearly states your opinion on the topic and then backs up that opinion with well-explained reasons and relevant examples. It's important that each main idea is supported by specific examples or evidence.
Task Response
Work on clearly structuring your essay to ensure that your response is complete. This includes having a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea with supporting details, and a conclusion that wraps up your argument.
General
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar to increase the clarity of your writing. Avoid run-on sentences, and ensure correct verb tenses and article usage. Consider having your work proofread or using language learning tools to help identify and correct these issues.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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