Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people’s behavior. What is your opinion?
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Some individuals think that
video
games
and some TV programs that involve violence
have a negative effect on society
. Another part of the community believes that those kinds
of virtual entertainment do not have an enormous effect on the way that people
behave. In my opinion, I agree that violence
in TV shows and video
games
harms society
because they isolate young people
from being in a social environment and, I also
think that some of this
kind of violent entertainment could be addictive .
Nowadays, a huge percentage of young people
are involved in playing video
games
. Firstly
, a lot of juveniles spend most of their free time playing video
games
that involve violence
or that require them to kill others as a final reward to get to the final . Consequently
, this
kind of entertainment leads to youngest to develop aggressive and competitive behavior. In addition
, some of them isolate themselves from their daily social environment just to spend more time playing these kinds
of games
. For instance
, recent research in EEUU has shown that since COVID-19 the curve of the sail o f
fighting Correct your spelling
of
video
games
like, 4Fight has increased by 75%.
Furthermore
, continuing with the idea of video
games
, they could be addictive for society
. Part of some people
who play these kinds
of games
could develop an irrational sense of addiction to spending a lot of hours in front of the computer due to
the competitive conditions that push the competitor or juveniles to get to the top number 1 by killing other participants. For example
, some psychologists have demonstrated that video
games
release the same amount of hormones like oxytocin, and serotonin in our brains as cocaine leading to addiction.
In conclusion, despite some parts of society
believing that TV shows or video
games
that involve violence
have no negative impact on people
's behavior
, I think that these are not helpful for communities and most importantly, Change the spelling
behaviour
you ng
Correct your spelling
young
people
. It is important to spend our free time doing activities that help to improve ourselves more than paying attention to these kinds
of entertainme
Correct your spelling
entertainment
Submitted by msolemilocco on
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. Ensure the conclusion succinctly summarizes your opinion and the points made in the essay. Try to make your introduction more engaging to immediately capture the reader's interest.
task achievement
You've provided several reasons and examples, which is beneficial. However, to strengthen your argument, make your main points more evident and try to include more detailed, specific examples or evidence to support your claims.
general
Use a wider range of vocabulary and grammar structures to accurately express your ideas. Avoid repetition of words and phrases. Proofread your essay to correct minor spelling and grammatical mistakes.
task achievement
Consider delving deeper into the opposing viewpoint to strengthen your argument. Acknowledging and refuting counterarguments can make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.