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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.
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The bar chart illustrates the consequence of
a
Correct article usage
an
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examine
Replace the word
examination
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about
Change preposition
of
show examples
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea buying and drinking customs in 5 cities in Australia namely
Sydney
Use synonyms
, Melbourne,
Brisbane
Use synonyms
, Adelaide and Hobart As the graph shows, the percentages of buying and drinking
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 a steady increase with some fluctuation. The number of fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 which was bought in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 4 weeks in
Brisbane
Use synonyms
lowest
Add a missing verb
was lowest
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while
Linking Words
Sydney
Use synonyms
 highest. In terms of
Bought
Wrong verb form
Buying
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 fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks, there was a significant variation. In
Use synonyms
Sydney
Add a comma
Sydney,
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 it is around 44% and Melbourne
have
Change the verb form
has
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 lower than
Sydney
Use synonyms
 about 2% is 42%.
This
Linking Words
 number
continue
Change the verb form
continues
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 to decrease from 42% to 34% in
Brisbane
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. Adelaide has approximately the same percentage as
Brisbane
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. In
Hobart
Add a comma
Hobart,
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 it has a slight higher about 38%. To say about Bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks, it has over 45% in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 and higher in Melbourne is 48%.
This
Linking Words
 number
also
Linking Words
 rise to 53% in
Brisbane
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, have a slow fall from 53 in
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 to 50% in Adelaide. And in Hobart it climb to 54%. Regarding the data of

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, sydney, brisbane with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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