In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?
Some time ago shopping was a daily routine task. These days many
people
consider it as a hobby
. Although
this
can certainly be beneficial, I express concerns about this
new consumption era people
are living.
Change preposition
in.
To begin
with, it is obvious to say that shopping is one of a kind that people
in this
dayday
put them as a Correct your spelling
day day
day-day
hobby
compared with the past day many people
feel that shopping is to purchase a necessary thing, but now a day people
have changed they
routine as shopping in one of most favourite thing that they have to do as they Correct your spelling
the
hobby
due to
population growth in the country might have been change
the behaviour of Change the verb form
changing
changed
people
. The population in the world are increasing which leads to the fact that shopping is hobby
because shopping Add an article
a hobby
it
can be beneficial by healing emotions,and it is more enjoyable Correct pronoun usage
apply
In addition
, when you shop you can also
interact with people
around being good for social interaction and by consequence better mental health.
However
, we should balance both of
domestic shopping and shopping as a Change preposition
apply
hobby
by taking advantage of both kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
thinking
, now a day Change preposition
of thinking
people
are more concerned of
being in a trend and fashion, in the past Change preposition
about
people
does
not care much about trending. Wrong verb form
did
Moreover
, people
in this
era have been concerned to be
accepting of others and Change preposition
with being
be
more materialistic of the products that they Wrong verb form
being
are
purchased.
To summarise Unnecessary verb
apply
this
topic, even though shopping can be beneficial, the new world order of consumption brings less moral and ethical principles to society. Although
we should do everything a range of power is not beyond your
capacity. Correct pronoun usage
our
This
will make the next generation pay more attention to what they are doing.Submitted by fonnfahh2402 on
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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure you have a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly presents your overall stance. While you mentioned benefits and concerns of shopping as a hobby, emphasizing these elements in your introduction and conclusion can make your essay more persuasive and cohesive.
Paragraph Structure
To improve coherence, try to structure your paragraphs more clearly. Begin with a topic sentence that states the main idea of the paragraph, followed by supporting details and examples. This structure helps guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
Use of Examples
Make your usage of examples more specific and relevant. While you discuss general trends around shopping, incorporating specific examples or statistics can strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling.
Language Use
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. Avoid repetition and strive to use a variety of sentence structures and lexical resources to articulate your ideas more clearly and effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.