IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The plans below show the layout of a university's sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment.

#plans #show #layout #university #sports #centre #redevelopment
The maps depict a
sports
 centre which is located in a university at present and after its upcoming refurbishment.
Overall
, the
sports
 centre has a huge indoor
pool
 in the heart of the building. The indoor
pool
 consists of some facilities
such
 as seats, a changing room and a gym.
Moreover
, there are
two
 outdoor courts on the west and east sides of the
sports
 centre. First of all, the indoor
pool
 and its surroundings will remain unchanged.
Then
,
two
 outdoor courts will be demolished to make way for adding new facilities. Considering recreational facilities, a
sports
 hall is going to be built on the east side of the old indoor
pool
.
Furthermore
, a leisure
pool
 will be constructed on the west side of it. It can be seen that
two
 dance studios are supposed to develop in the east of the building. They
also
 intend to add
two
 new changing rooms in the southwest and southeast of the complex. On the commercial side, there will be a café and
sports
 shop near the entrance.
Submitted by maryam.nutrition1988 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure to create a more engaging and sophisticated narrative. Instead of starting multiple sentences similarly, try using different constructions and linking words to add variety.
coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, clearly segregate your paragraphs based on topics or stages of development. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide readers.
coherence cohesion
To improve the introduction and conclusion, ensure your introductory paragraph clearly outlines what the reader should expect, and the concluding paragraph succinctly summarizes the main points without introducing new information.
task achievement
For a more complete response, consider adding an analysis or comparison of the changes not just listing them. Discuss the implications or potential reasons behind the redevelopment to deepen your analysis.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear and comprehensive, working on the precision of your language and providing more detailed examples or descriptions can enhance clarity and offer a deeper understanding of the developments.
task achievement
Incorporating more specific examples or detailed descriptions of the new facilities can help strengthen your essay. It provides readers with vivid imagery and a clearer understanding of the changes.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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