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Band 4

Some people believe that minimum qualifications should be fixed for the right to vote. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #qualifications #right #vote
Nowadays, crime rates are increasing in some countries. Today I want to describe these problems and suggest some solutions. I think the biggest reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 type of
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
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 is poverty.
People
 commit crimes because they don’t have money to spend on food or other basic needs.
It
Correct pronoun usage
There
show examples
 is no way to earn money without being educated, so
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 opportunity to get
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is
crime
Change preposition
through crime
show examples
.
Moreover
, there is
an other
Correct your spelling
another
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 reason that makes
people
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 crimes is domestic conflicts. The
last
years
Change to a genitive case
year's
years'
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 percentage of
people
 working at home. Families are always together,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes them pushy,
relatives
Correct word choice
and relatives
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 are infuriating each other more and more.
This
 circumstance leads to violence. Now I want to talk about
solution
Add an article
the solution
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these two issues. The first one is easy to solve verbally. Countries should build up their economies and begin to pay unemployment benefits, but there is
an other
Correct your spelling
another
show examples
 way to make
situation
Add an article
the situation
show examples
 better, states need to improve their education systems, it seems like a good idea for
reduction
Correct article usage
the reduction
show examples
 of poverty.
Furthermore
,
second
Change the article
the second
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 problem is more difficult than the previous one. The best way to solve it is family
psychologists
Change noun form
psychologists'
psychologist's
show examples
 payment.
Company
Add an article
The company
A company
show examples
 must pay attention to
this
 problem.
Otherwise
, increasing
this
 type of
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
 can lead to great consequences.
To conclude
, I want to say that
solutions
Correct article usage
the solutions
show examples
 that were said in
this
 essay are not fast, but
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of problems could not be solved fast, because they
were
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 aggravated for years. There is a great belief in me that everything will be fine.
People
 will be smarter and civilisation will keep going forward without crime.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear and logical structure in your essay. This means having a distinct introduction, at least two or three body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
introduction conclusion
To improve introduction and conclusion, start your essay by paraphrasing the question and clearly state your opinion. Conclude by summarizing your main points and reiterating your stance.
supported main points
Support your main points with more developed ideas and relevant examples. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
complete response
Address the task directly. Your response should directly answer the question asked. Ensure your position on the issue is clear throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Present your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Make sure each paragraph explores a single main idea that is relevant to the question.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant examples to support your arguments. These examples can be from your own knowledge, observations, or other credible sources.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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