Some parents think that children should do extracurricular activities. Others think that this will give them pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinio
Although
it is sometimes thought that children
ought to do extracurricular activities
after school,other people believe that such
activities
can put children
under pressure. In my opinion, I consider that extracurricular activities
may put children
under stress.
On the one hand, some people think that children
who do extracurricular activities
can gain several benefits that can help them greatly in their lives, and I agree. In other words
, doing more curricular activities
after school, namely, sports, can be beneficial for students
, especially in terms of their health. If overweight children
, for example
, are encouraged to play sports after school hours, they can burn their calories quickly and be in shape. As a result
, they can perform well academically because they will not face any serious illnesses. Furthermore
,unlike extracurricular activities
,academic subjects do not teach students
skills and teamwork. Therefore
,students
have more opportunity to develop their social life skills.
On the other hand
,it is often believed that extracurricular activities
can put students
under pressure. One reason is that some students
pay more attention to academic subjects than extracurricular activities
because they are not interested in any curricular activities
. They prefer to spend an hour revising their lesson rather than doing sports, which sometimes causes them to be exhausted and not be able to concentrate on their studies. For instance
,some students
try to study science and medicine, so for them, doing extracurricular activities
is pointless. Another reson
is that forcing extracurricular Correct your spelling
reason
activities
does not promote independence or autonomy. That is
to say, children
should be given the freedom to choose the activity that they like.
To sum up
,while
people may vary in their opinions, I think that children
stand a better chance of staying healthy and improving their social skills if they are encouraged to take part in extracurricular activities
.Submitted by s_syedy on
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Consistency
Ensure that your opinion is consistent throughout the essay. Your conclusion seems to contradict the stance you seem to support in the body paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of connectives and topic sentences to introduce your paragraphs, enhancing the logical flow of ideas.
Example
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your task response and make your essay more persuasive.
Argument Structure
Work on developing a clearer argument structure within each body paragraph. Start with a topic sentence, follow with explanation or analysis, and conclude with a specific example.
Task Response
To improve task achievement, make sure your response fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Discuss both views and then clearly give your own opinion.